2010 RE(tard)CAP

Because I have the memory of a goldfish, I have decided to do a recap of 2010 in order to relive some of the wonderful (and some not so wonderful) memories of the past 12 months. I had to rape and pillage from many friend's facebook profiles and albums to acquire this information, but I think it was well worth it. Here she is:

January: Officially moved into the condo or the Penthouse as I like to call it. Threw myself a lovely little housewarming party with much help from, well, basically everyone I know! This was the night the potato cable came out, where my cable cord was plugged into a potato so that the men could watch the hockey game. I will have to say they were not hugely impressed.
February, the Olympics had officially arrived and nothing else mattered. Insert red mittens here. We partied at the German house and the Irish House and wandered downtown in amazement at the crowds and atmosphere.
We went to Surrey house and watched awesome country concerts. Carol and I were lucky enough to scam some Olympic tickets off Katie so off we went to whistler to see a women’s downhill ski event. I basically got frost bite that morning. I convinced my mom that we could give the afternoon tickets away and spend the day at the pub. Watching the event on big screens at the Longhorn Saloon with a nice cold strongbow in my hand was much more pleasant.

March. Shelly re-meets Sean.
Sean convinces Shelly that she likes running. Sean and Shelly sign up for Sun Run. Shelly buys an all white pair of Nikes. Sean shakes head at Shelly and takes her shoe shopping. Celebrated St Patrick’s day with a little party at the pent house, followed by a visit to black forest for some green beer out of little wee mugs. Shelly cat-sits Ted while Katie’s off vacationing.


April: Rolled in style in a limo downtown for Katie’s birthday. Italian food and yuk yuks. Pretty sure there was some crying that night, but I won’t mention names. Spent a lot of time training for the Sun Run.

May: Went and saw Brooks & Dunn- floor seats at GM Place. Fantastical. Sean and I killed the Sun Run mid May with Manda and Lisa following up the rear (xox). At this point, I decided to train for the Scotiabank half marathon in June. Kokanee dies, everyone is more or less devastated.

June: Cabin fever took hold of us and a few of us girls had a fantastic trip up to the cabin. Touche! I spent my Saturdays running forever and then napping to recover. Lisa and I go up to KTown, some very interesting characters in that town. The weather sucked, we didn’t even get to suntan. At the end of June I ran the half in under 2 hours, mommy met me at the finish line. My dentist tells me that drinking vegegreens/ phytoberry is staining my teeth so I immediately cease and desist.

July: House boating up on big Shuswap. Interesting weekend. Kitty goes missing and never returns. Louie is now an only child. Nikita, Alanna, Sara and I hit the road and took our show to the Calgary Stampede. Stopped at the cabin for a night, a great little 50’s diner for grub and also hit up Lake Louise for a visit. We hit the fair pretty hard, especially the fried pickles stand. Saw a whole whack of amazing country concerts and drank too many beers. We brought home many stuffed animal friends, most notably Franklin the Turtle. We also had a bit of a learning session on the way home about family trees and also the English Royal Family. Time well spent. Feel free to quiz us, I can tell a second cousin from a cousin first removed without even trying!

August: Katie, Nikita and I hit up Whistler real bad this weekend. Hiked up at Joffre Lakes, very beautiful (minus the mosquitoes). Played drinking games all day and then partied in the village. Not a super great weekend, but one I won’t ever forget. Met some new friends. Attended Cassie’s stagette in Vancouver (my very first ever!). Her friends are awesome, it was good times.

September: Labour Day long weekend, Katie and I took a huge trip to whistler. Pretty sure both nights we didn’t make it home til well past morning. All I remember is waking up surrounded by Kimchi and Kraft dinner. Towards the end of the summer I bought a bike and rode it three times, then put it in storage to rest and rejuvinate until next year. The rest of this month as a sickly invalid. It began with me feeling a little odd and within a few hours I was flu ridden. I spent the weekend mostly at home in chills and fevers then travelled to my mommy’s so they could look after me. I went to work for a couple of days but was
really in no shape to be there. Towards the end of this flu I could tell I was getting a cold. I spent four days coughing non-stop. I tried Buckley’s, I tried a cough syrup with Codeine all to no avail. I didn’t sleep for days because the coughing wouldn’t cease. I got a bleeding nose and because of the coughing it took me an hour to get it to stop. The next morning, I picked. I’m not ashamed to say it- I couldn’t help myself. The nose bleed began once again. After failing to stem it I packed up my stuff and drove to the doctors. They saw my bleeding nose and led me to a room immediately (score!). The doctor told me I had Bronchitis, contagious, gave me a prescription for meds and told me to come back for a check up in a week. A week later I still wasn’t feeling great so I went for a check up and the Doctor told me I now had tonsillitis. After a very loud “SHUT UP”, he got me to look at the horror that were my tonsils. EWW, indeed. Took the newly prescribed meds and I was finally healthy again! phewwwf.

October. Surprise birthday party thrown by our lovely friends much to our chagrin. I’d have to say it wasn’t the most gracious entrance ever. I will direct blame toward the Carol and her dragging us around ALL DAY LONG to keep us busy. Good party though! A few days later, Amanda and Carol gift me a kitten of unknown sex. After much mulling I decided it was a boy and named him Sir Watson the Kitten and nicknamed him Boots, in case the first name didn’t stick. The first trip to the vet shed no light on the situation, the vet and her assistant both murmured something along the lines of ‘beats me’. The second trip to the vet was a bit of a shocker and resulted in the kitty having another makeover on her name. She may now be called Miss Watson or Bad Kitty for short. Please note this is also around the time that I got my first every blackberry!
November: Watson and Shelly get acquainted. I accidently put a hole in a pipe and have to bring in emergency help. Don’t worry I got to meet a cute plumber AND dry waller out of the whole thing! The bathrooms get wallpapered and re-grouted (yes, unfortunately my counters are still blue- shut up about it already). An old friend from croupier school, Jwins, returns to my world. He is shortly headed out to Ontario to become a famous actor. You heard it here first! Shelly spends most of the month on her new blackberry.


December: Katie buys a condo, shelly and katie shop for new furniture. The next five visits to Katie’s are filled with putting together IKEA furniture. I finally make it to one of Kayden’s birthday parties. Christmas decorations go up at the condo. Watson ruins the tree a billion times. Manda throws a great Christmas party at her love nest. Christmas is awesome with only a minor temper tantrum had by an unspecified Little. Boxing day the tree comes down. Sara and I, along with Carrie & Sean put on our party pants and head to Reese's for his Paul-a-Palooza boxing day shindig. Good times. Return to house at 6 am. sleep for two hours adn back home to check on kitty. She scratched me to shreds for leaving her alone all night. I am practically an abused spouse.

That's all for now folks, Happy New Year to you all! Thanks for reading my blog slash skimming it.

Like, uhm... like, y'know!

The other day Simon from work brought up "non words". A non-word is something you say when speaking outloud (usually unconsicously). It is, most often, gramatically incorrect and, even more often than that, makes you sound like a moron. Some examples of non words are "Uhmm", "ya know" or "like". I googled it for a better understanding and here's what Miriam-Webster has to say:

Definition of NONWORD: a word that has no meaning, is not known to exist, or is disapproved. First Known Use of NONWORD: 1961.

Unfortunately they didn't mention what the first ever Non word was. It was probably something silly though, like "Ack".

In our training programs we teach Instructors to notice their own non-words and to try to keep them to a minimum. Shortly after bringing up this non-word topic, Simon mentioned at his last program he used ME as his example... HIS BAD EXAMPLE! I'm pretty sure he did an impression of me using a high squeaky Valley Girl voice. "Like, uhmmm like y'know" is probably along the lines of how it went. He probably did a fake hair toss and giggled as well. The class then asked if I was a teenager and he revealed that no, I am a full blown adult (lol, apparently). He then proceeded to liken me to his twelve year old niece. Safe to say I was rather mortified and immediately made a sheet where I could mark down how many times I said "like" in a day. Three minutes later I forgot all about my new crusade. Three minutes after that Simon mentions that I had said "like" 7 times in the last paragraph I spoke. Insert blush face here

Goal renewed. I must nip this non word problem in the bud! I must, I must! Plan of action- think before I speak. Less rambling and a more consicous speech tactic. I am asking that anyone who may hear me say "like" in an innappropriate manner politely let me know. I promise not to be too offended by the correction. If I am unsuccessful in this plan of action, my Plan B involves a speech therapist. I am pretty sure it is covered under our extended medical. Maybe they can make my squeaky voice a little less squeaktastic while they're at it!

Walking while intoxicated can be a high-risk activity

I was doing some research at work and came across this little article. I was vaguely shocked at their statistics. Spoiler alert: December 23 and Jan 1 are the most deadly days for pedestrians. Tomorrow being one of those days I am rather freaked out. Also, we are planning on walking home after the concert at the casino on New Years Eve as it is really close to my condo. I am having second thoughts. Should we perhaps ride our bikes there? Or maybe it's just safer to drink and drive than it is to drink and walk? Either way folks, after having a few drinks make sure you look both ways before crossing the street.

Here's the article from the Vancouver Sun:

For all the warnings not to drink and drive, little is heard about a risky motor activity of another stripe: impaired walking.

Nearly 40 per cent of pedestrians killed on Canadian roads in a recent year had been drinking, with two-thirds of them having a blood-alcohol concentration more than double the legal limit for driving.

Of all the fatally injured pedestrians with booze in their systems, four in five had more alcohol in their blood than allowed for drivers, according to the Canadian Council of Motor Transport Administrators.
Heading into two of the deadliest times of the year for pedestrians -- Dec. 23 and New Year's Day -- experts say there's an urgent need for people to take the dangers of "drinking and walking" seriously.

"You don't think of impaired walking being a big deal, but it definitely is," says Valerie Powell, communications coordinator for the Canada Safety Council.

"A lot of times, at night, people aren't wearing bright clothing and blend in with their surroundings. And when you get an impaired pedestrian, they're not paying attention to the cars around them. That's where the problem comes in."

The CCMTA report, published this year, is based on 2007 data in national databases maintained by the Traffic Injury Research Foundation.

In the U.S., the facts are strikingly similar: according to the Insurance Institute for Highway Safety, 38 per cent of fatally injured pedestrians over the age of 15 had blood-alcohol content at or above the legal limit for drivers, with the percentage rising to 53 per cent for deaths between 9 p.m. and 6 a.m.

These numbers, although dramatic, likely underplay the problem of so-called walking while intoxicated since many fatally injured pedestrians aren't tested for alcohol.

In Canada, for example, of the 426 pedestrians killed on our roads in 2007, 247 -- or 58 per cent -- were tested.

The figures also don't reflect those people whose impairment led to fatal injuries outside of road settings.

"We often see people who have been drinking that have fallen down the stairs or tripped at home and injured themselves," says trauma surgeon Dr. Thomas Esposito, in a statement issued by the Loyola University Health System. "Others have unwisely chosen to 'get into it' with guns, knives, bottles and fists."

A landmark study in the journal Injury Prevention found Jan. 1 has more pedestrian crash deaths, on average, than any other day of year, with 58 per cent of those killed having high blood-alcohol levels. Halloween ranks second in the data, which looks at the period between 1986 and 2002, followed by Dec. 23.

Susan Bondy, an epidemiologist at the University of Toronto, says this fits with previous research out of Ontario that found "a really clear pattern" of alcohol sales and consumption increasing during the summer and holiday periods.

"If we're drinking more, and there are more drinking occasions, it follows that the risks should increase," says Bondy. "Spacing out your drinks is a good idea, but the bottom line should be to limit the amount consumed. There's nothing magic that will turn wine into water."

holiday lolcatz.

Merry Christmas everyone!

Please note that Watson and I will be travelling to The Little's for Christmas day. The Big Breakfast will commence at 9AM I'm told. This will be followed by PRESENT MADNESS. Drinking will commence shortly after that, to be followed by Christmas Dinner. In attendance will be the original 5; grandma & grandpa; great uncle ron & aunty joyce; maggie and grandpa robert; uncle stu and his terrible 2; Peter, The Apple Pie for Breakfast Guy; assorted strays unknown.

Watson has major plans to ruin Carol's tree. Louie has plans to eat Watson. I imagine it will be a quiet, lovely day for all.

Broken ornament count: 8

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!! This years decorations on my Very first Christmas Tree EVER! are a temporary lone from mommy. The color scheme is pink and purple and it is rather awesome slash a bit excessive. Unfortunately, between kitty and myself, I believe we are at a total of 8 shattered ornaments. There are also some re-located to various corners and secret kitty hiding spots. The ribbon has been pulled off and put back on more times than I can count. My dad likened Watson to the squirrel from National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation.
Apparently there is a scene where a squirrel climbs up the tree and hilarity ensues.
I can ensure you the hilarity of the whole kitty up the tree thing has gotten old rather fast. The whole broken ornament thing makes vacuuming a necessity and that makes for an unhappy shelly. The other night I put two presents under the tree. I had wrapped them so nicely and they matched the pink and purple ornaments and I later found most of the ribbon scattered around the living room. No big deal. I'll tape it on again. To be honest the whole bad kitty thing isn't so bad. She's kind of cute for such a monster.

Last night when I was baking Gingerbread cupcakes, she jumped onto the counter to watch. A second later I look over and she is licking the stick of butter I had set out- I guess that will just a little something special to that batch of baked goods. Ps. these cupcakes were baked in pretty gold liners and are going to be topped with a vanilla & cinnamon cream cheese frosting. That topping is going to be topped with a Ginger Kid cookie. There is little doubt that they will be adorabley adorable. I might even have to post a picture. I am bringing them to our in-office Xmas party tomorrow so No, you can't have one.

PS. I am very excited for Christmas. If anyone sees Santa let him know that I've been super well behaved (mostly). Also, it woudln't hurt if he found out that my laptop is broken and needs to be replaced.
UPDATE: Here's a picture of the ginger kid cupcakes. I got to eat one because it wouldn't fit in the carrying container. Pretty delicious

half marathon madness returns

Hello all,

I just wanted to inform you that Michelle the Mad Running Machine will be back in action shortly after the new year. She will be doing two sets of three month training programs. The programs are yet to be decided, but will most likely be a beginner program Jan-March and the second will be a hard core April-June set. Her associate, Nikita Iggulden, has also enrolled herself in this race. She plans to break her previous half marathon record and finish in 1 hour 45 minutes. All others are encouraged to join.

Save the date: June 26th Scotiabank Half Marathon.

Tim The Toolman Taylor

I have decided that I am basically the reincarnate of Tim Allen aka Tim The Toolman Taylor, from the show Home Improvements. A better looking, female version of course. Let's not even talk about the fact that he's still alive. It was basically just an opening for a re-cap of last night.

I hit Home Depot again last night. South Surrey, as I was hoping they would have a wider selection of lights. They did not. I haunted the lighting aisle for about an hour and then Eeenie Meenie Minie Mo'd my choices. Well not quite. I picked the most expensive one and the cheapest one. My rationale on this was that the nice light can be for the guest bath and the not so nice light will be for mine.

I got home all excited with my new lights. I hunted down the breaker panel, which I've cleverly hid behind a mirror (I did such a great job that sometimes I forget where it is!). I finally found the breaker to turn off the bathroom electricity so i don't kill myself. Unfortunately I didn't do it the "Right" way. I forgot to mark which breaker switch belonged to the bathroom.

Whilst talking on the phone to Manda, i begin to take down the track lighting in the guest bath. A little nervous, but determined, it goes perfectly fine until I get everything but the electrical stuff down. I am faced with a confusing set-up, very unlike the ceiling lights I have come across in my condo previously. Hrmph. I hold my breath and start pulling at things until I am able to dislodge the light mounting bracket from the wall. Success!

I open up my pretty, new, uncomfortably expensive light and lay out all the pieces. I read the instructions. I look at the pieces again. I call my mom.

Unfortunately my parents have always stayed away from lighting fixtures so they had no suggestions. I send Cam a text message in hopes he might get off work early to help. No luck. I decide that i will switch back on the power and deal with it at a later time.

Back at the breaker panel I realize I have no idea which switch it is. So i start switching them all. The problem is that there is no light in the bathroom so there's not a clear sign. However, it's also connected to my bedroom, so I go from the panel to the bedroom switching each breaker. I get through ALL the breakers and no Success. Wtf. I call my mom again. Again, she has no suggestions. I was kind of hoping she would have went and taken an Electrician course in the midst of my Lighting Adventure. Apparently this thought never crossed her mind.

I try the breakers again. No luck. This is vaguely insane. My dad says that maybe it needs to "cool". Lol. Anyhow, i think Carol and partner Vince (who was an electrician in a previous life) may come to investigate today. In the mean time, I've showered in the dark and blow dried my hair and have done my makeup in the kitchen. Sigh. I also got dressed in the dark. Not that anyone would notice, it probably looks like i get dressed in the dark EVERY day.

pipes a leakin'

In general I try not to be productive on Sundays. Today, however, I woke up with a Can-Do attitude. I decided to cut some base board mouldings to finally put up in my bathroom. This is mostly because I really want to wallpaper one or both bathrooms. I have narrowed the paper choice down to a light blue damask or a black and white damask pattern. One is pretty, the other is chic.
After measuring the first section I went to my second bedroom where I have my borrowed miter box and hand saw set up. I made the cut. It was shockingly rather easy. I took the piece to the bathroom and lined it up and it fit! However, there was still one finishing nail left in the wall from the old baseboard that had been ripped out a year ago when I first moved in. I found a pair of pliers and started to pull it out. Hissssssssssssssssss goes the nail! WHAT?! goes the shelly . I stop what I'm doing and check the heater. It is on. I turn it off. The hiss continues. I ponder for a bit and come up with nothing useful so I pull the nail out a bit further. Water starts to bubble out. I immediately push the nail back in the hole and water bubbles and hissing noises stop.

I call my mom. She tells me to call the property management company. I am in the middle of a panic attack. I have a cookies. I call the emergency number for my property management company, this is how the phone call goes: I explain the situation, the lady confirms with me that my condo is NOT flooding at the immediate time and explains because it is a Sunday someone will deal with it on Monday. My cry voice begins to creep up on my so I agree, give her my info and hang up. I call and bbm my uncle Stuart who is a plumber. The bbms were not delivered. hrmph. I call my mom, she sends my dad over. In the meantime I go to level two and talk to my downstairs neighbours to explain what had happened and asked them to keep an eye on their ceiling for any leaks. Their dog gnawed on my shoe. I don't really blame him.

Glenn arrives and insists on pulling the nail out a bit "to see for himself". My pukey face is back again. He pulls it out a bit and the hissing noise returns. He puts the nail back in. This wall is opposite all my bathroom utilities, it doesn't really make sense that there would be water here. We check the front closet (which is on the other side of the bathroom) and realize that is where the main water shut off is. Carol advises us to turn the water off. We do. After all, mommy knows best.

I get an unknown number calling my cell, I answer and it is my property manager, he asks me to explain what has happened and then says they will find a plumber to come out. PHEWF. At the same time Uncle Stu calls my dad and he gives him the run down. He tells Glenn that we should take pictures showing the old nail in the wall to prove that I didn't do it. Also advised me to keep the nail once the plumber pulls it out as it will be rusty and old. Any pipes in the wall should be the responsibility of the strata he says. I sure hope he's right. It all goes to show that one shouldn't be productive on Sundays. (time noted: 10:59AM) Should've stayed in bed.

12 pipes a leaking. 11 shellys crying. 10 daddys helping. 9 kittys meowing. 8 mouldings molding. 7 toilets flushing. 6 neighbours hating. 5 COPPER PIPES. 4 holes in wall. 3 spliced pipes. 2 gaping holes and broken bathroom in a penthouse.

Must Love Cats - Langley, 24

I spent a good chunk of time today on craigslist. Exhausted both the Free and Furniture sections, then turned to the personal ads. I started with the Men Seeking Women. There were some ads of men claiming to be well off and awesome that caught my eye. Well written but full of themselves they were. A few stoners looking for new stoner girlfriends. Some guys just looking for someone to 'cuddle' with. There were very few pictures posted which is obviously such a downer. I moved on to the Women Seeking Men section next and there were 4 ads from today. Compare this to the 100+ ads on the Men Seeking Women. Interesting indeed. One lady was looking for a cowboy and stated that she'd like someone similar to Brad Paisley. I bet she fell in love at his concert. He IS quite charismatic. Anyhow, I worked on an ad in my head and it sucked. If I was a guy version of me I wouldn't even answer it. I think my only saving grace would be to post a picture. A photoshopped picture. From at least two years ago. Sigh, woe is me, yo.

Must love cats - Langley, 24.

SWF looking for big strong man to take care of her. I am of average looks, intelligence and personality; I am an average catch. Looking for an above average guy: tall, hot, rich, funny, charming, smart and interesting. Looking for someone who will eat my terrible cooking and be a guinea pig for my baked goods. No allergies please, I don't want to be accidently responsible for your death. Death by baked goods is, unfortunately, already a strong possibility! I like to read and appreciate someone who is literate as well... mostly so i can steal your books as i have a phobia of buying books and think the library is for poor people. I want someone who will be my number one fan.

Send me a picture and a bit about yourself so i can unfairly pre-judge you.

Deskcessories

Item of the day: Stiletto tape dispenser. Please note that this item is so awesomely popular that it is now Out of Stock. Sadly, I am not (yet) one of the lucky owners of this product. Please note that I am oficially obsessed with Staples Online. I received notification yesterday via email flyer that they have Bedroom Sets. Like, just in case you need to sleep over at the office? Crazyness.

disturbed.

i get home from work and the pot on the stove is calling my name. i had assigned Said Pot to a mission this morning. Mission De-burn Yourself.

Don't worry i didn't just give it instructions and leave; I gave it tools as well. What kind of tools you are undoubtedly asking? I gave it coke, not the mind-altering white stuff, but the sugar-coma inducing canned pop. Soda, if you will; I will not. This was in my fridge for the sole distribution to diet-pop nay sayers. Luckily, in my circle, they are far and few between so this can will hardly be missed.

This mission was devised after a quick bout of some good ol google research. After skipping over all the results that involved 'vigorous scrubbing and scraping' i found this gem. I put the can of coke in the pot this morning so they could get acquainted and when i got home, well the burnt was still there. SIGH.

I turned the element on to let the coke do it's thing and withing minutes i was able to scrape the nasty burnt layer off. SWEET SUCCESS.

In the mean time i had taken my caramel shortbread bar from the freezer, which i had put in there for 'just a minute' this morning and then totally forgot about. While trying to hack through this frozen concoction i cut my finger on the BACK OF THE KNIFE. like the unsharp side. wtf. it is sliced in three places and hurts like a bitch. almost hurts as much as kitty biting me right now. why does she hate me so much? sigh.

Just searched for my blackberry and was unable to find it. i rummaged around in my load of laundry that i had already put in the washer and turned on. My arm is numb now because i choose to do my laundry in cold. i hear it's better for the environment. I panicked when i couldn't find it in my purse and then totally imagined it drowning in the washer as that would be par for the course these days. my rudimentary digging around found no phone. i assume slash hope it is at my desk at work. i also hope that nobody dares go through it. i say this like there are interesting things on my phone for people to look at. scoff.
anyways. i have no phone tonight which is annoying.
i was going to email someone and ask them to call me tomorrow morning as a wake up call but clearly that wouldn't work. i hope my internal alarm clock is in good working order. I'm sure my lateness would be excused as i will be bringing fucked up caramel shortbread squares to work tomorrow. its humanly impossible to be mad at someone who is bringing you baked goods. that is shellywisdom, aka shelwiz. like cheese wiz but less processed.

that is all. u may go.

shortbread shortbus.

i most often get the urge to blog when things are going wrong. the stench of wrong fills my condo, to the tune of a pot of burnt chili. Luckily for me and Miss Watson, that stench is being accompanied by the smell of freshly made caramel. This freshly made caramel was layer number 2 in my Caramel Shortbread Squares (allrecipes.com). The first layer was a simple shortbread, second was caramel and third was milk chocolate. Because i am a half wit, i did not let the caramel set completely (or even partially really). Am i so busy that i didn't have time for the caramel to set? scoff. of course not. My next appointment after baking was to move to the couch for some reading. I was tired of standing there and waiting for it to set and i wanted to lick the bowl that the chocolate had been melted in. The chocolate globs sunk right into the caramel layer. This was followed by an audible gasp and loud expletive that i dare not repeat for fear of repercussions from the Carol. I ran through all my options and obviously the only one i had was to marble. I smoothed the caramel-chocolate mixture into a gooey combo and put it in the fridge where i don't have to look at it anymore. i am just having a bowl of burnt chili. it tastes like cancer. fml and fuck cancer.

PS. mom, u can't get mad at that last expletive it's a popular slogan hating on a terrible disease.

Grandparent's Day September 12th

Wowzers!! My calendar just informed me that Sunday September 12th is Grandparent's Day. At first i thought it said Groundhog Day and i was ecstatic that it was coming so early this year. NTS: wear glasses more often. I thought doing a piece focused on the wonder that is the grandparent would be a lovely way to celebrate. Please note that even though i may call old people Q-Tips behind their backs, it in no way lessens my love of them. (Q-Tips--white hair, white shoes...get it?)

Who they are:

Most commonly known and introduced as Grandma or Nancy, but legally known as Annie Elizabeth and jokingly referred to as Splat Annie. My grandpa (you will read about him next) dubbed gma this as she can catch and kill flies like nobodies business. It's rather disgusting, but certainly is fun to watch. Grandma refuses to accept that she's a senior citizen, except for when a seniors discount is available somewhere. She likes beige and wears fifty rings on her hands. Favorite story: Back when we were about 7 we were staying downtown with my grandparents for the weekend and my gma tried to feed us Chef Boyardee ravioli. When she left the room me and Amanda, without even tasting the stuff, decided it was disgusting. I will point fingers here, since it's my blog, and say that AMANDA opened the window and we proceeded to dump our canned pasta down ten floors and onto the sidewalk. Grandma comes back and we make yummy noises. Approximately fifteen minutes later a rather red-faced Nancy tells us to get our butts down there and clean up that mess! She's a stickler, that Nancy. (Side note: pretty sure i'd totally eat chef boyardee ravioli these days. Will make a point to purchase some next grocery shop.)

Grandpa. Bruce Wallace. He is my grandma's second husband and therefore our step gpa, but has always been the main in our lives. He is responsible for the horror that is the forty hours of childhood video tapes turned DVDs we all own and cherish (sorry to all those who had/will have to sit through those). Bruce was born and raised in Australia and was a professional rower. He moved to Canada and then his rowing partner dumped him and his dreams were crushed. He then started collecting baseball caps as a hobby. Grandpa always has made the best stack of pancakes; pre-buttered and pre-cut for your dining pleasure. I'm not going to lie, just recently i had my pancakes buttered and cut courtesy of gramps. if i had any shame, i might be embarassed. Please see the photo below for pictoral reference. Also, he used to let us put bows and barrettes in his hair. that is love.

Grandpa Robert. The Mom's dad. He is Irish. He still (somewhat mysteriously) has an Irish brogue....even though he has lived in Canada for 50 years. Just found out he has parkinson's disease. rather disconcerting. (Self Reminder to make a point to do dinner with them soon.) He re-married when my mom was in her twenties to a lady called Maggie. She used to sing and play the piano for us. it was lovely. OK OK , u got me. i was being sarcastic. Her voice isn't anything to write about (or apparetnly it is), but she does enjoy to sing and entertain and THAT, ladies and gentlemen, is a gift. Those two have never been close to the family until more recently. The carol told me a story that she tried to strangle Maggie at her wedding. This may be a made up story, it was never confirmed by an outside source. They gifted me an amazing pepper grinder for my house warming, along with matching tea towels. I will not mention the oysters they gifted me as well. I guess not everyone knows that oysters are disgusting.

Grandpa Jack: My dad's dad. Deceased. Crew cut-check. Super duper big screen TV and satellite TV- check. Crazy black cat named (and re-named as they were replaced) Buttons- check. He was very brusque and i was always too scared to know him. His favorite was Amanda. He gave my parents money at Christmas time to buy us new winter coats every year. Kept us stylin' yo. He had a greenhouse that we would toil in. Oh and later in life he had a rad new mustang. awesome guy, sad he's gone.
-photo not readily available.

Grandma, the dad's mom. This is silly, i can't remember her name. To be fair, i've never met her- she died before or just after we were born. I think if i had 5 daughters and two boys I'd call it quits early too! RIP gma Little.
-photo not readily available.

I would like to do an honorable mention here to the grandparents i have borrowed over the years. You know what they say...can never have too much Old Person in one's life. Remember kids, sharing is caring!

New slogan: Share a Grandparent Today! (insert catchy jingle here).

harro? u thr?

Manda went for a long camping weekend up near Pemberton this weekend. Periodically I had been texting her asking how it was going, but received a haunting silence in return. A few drinks in on Sunday night at the crystal lodge, hanging with Katie listening to some live music, waiting for some guy friends to show up and entertain us we decided to turn up the annoying BBM style...


Participants:
-------------
katie holmes, Manda*

Messages:
---------
On Friday night:

katie holmes: What is up homie?! How's camping?!

On Saturday afternoon:

holmes: Are you alive?
katie holmes: Has a bear eaten your berry?!

On Sunday night:

katie holmes: Hey its shelly
katie holmes: Midss ui
katie holmes: Camping sucks
katie holmes: U shoulda come to whjistkler
katie holmes: It's katie again.
katie holmes: Camping stinks it up.
katie holmes: Especially when it's such shit weather!
katie holmes: Hope you've been having lots of sex to keep warm :)
katie holmes: Lol shelly again
katie holmes: Th*t was a rather innapropriate commebnt by kaytie
katie holmes: Did j propose yet
katie holmes: Can't wait to start planning the nbachelorette party
katie holmes: Kt here!
katie holmes: Ohhh how's the ring! Can't wait for the ring :)
katie holmes: And finding amazing bridesmaid dresses..
katie holmes: Your dress too of course ;)
katie holmes: And baby kennetts! Lol. Auntie kt can't wait to babysit!
katie holmes: Lol shelly here
katie holmes: Omg your going to have to get a mini van. Ew
katie holmes: I sure hope the kids don't get the kennets eyebrows.
katie holmes: No. Offence to j or anythibg
katie holmes: So how's camping
katie holmes: Kaymeister's back!
katie holmes: I hope you get a minivan with a good tv setup.
katie holmes: I'll be looking forward to riding in the backseat!
katie holmes: I hope your babies get his thick head hair.
katie holmes: Ohhhh ya lucious ;)
katie holmes: Sherriff shelly back on duty
katie holmes: We are imagining you in the middle of the forest wandering around looking for cell service
katie holmes: How ha e u survived so long without it
katie holmes: U must be cranky
katie holmes: I very muxh like ur display pix
katie holmes: I look good
katie holmes: Awesome blossonm
katie holmes: The entertainment is signing off! Love u. But our dates got here :)

On Monday afternoon:

Manda*: No reception here :(
Manda*: Lol
Manda*: Omg
Manda*: Seriosuly u guys
Manda*: I had no service. Horrid ya
Manda*: I'm not repsondin to any of that

katie holmes: Lol.

Sent from my BlackBerry device on the Rogers Wireless Network

Please note that amanda is not engaged as of yet and we were just teasing her in order to amuse ourselves.

cup of tea and a cat, please

In Japan, cat lovers are paying for petting time at the country's popular cat cafes. For a fee of up to $10 an hour, patrons can enjoy tea, lounge on a comfortable chair and borrow the affection of feline employees.

Neko JaLaLa, near Tokyo's bustling Akihabara district, is one of over 70 cat cafes to open in Japan. Another, Calico, sees up to 70 visitors a day during the week and 150 a day on weekends at its location in the city of Musashino. Such cafes have become a cultural trend in Japan over the last six years, particularly in the overstressed metropolois of Tokyo. Pets are banned at many rental apartments, and jet-setting workaholics are too busy to care for their own.

Because of cat hair- and smell- vacuums and air fresheners are plentiful. The cafes also require patrons to wash their hands, use liquid sanitizer and remove their hsoes. And the well-being of the professional pets comes first. The cafes are quick to scold over such infractions as tail-pulling and sleep interruption, and children are often unwelcome. And, should constant attention begin to bore them, a cat may snub a customer in favour of a scratching post. -Jane Sqitzer

-This article was pulled from the Maclean's Online edition which I get emailed to me weekly for free. The validity of this article has been verified by a quick check with Wikipedia.

This basically solves my dilemma of whether or not i should get a cat. I can skip over the whole owning a cat thing and just borrow a cat at my leisure. No need to buy cat food or a scratching post. No need to cat-proof my condo or worry about cat hair being on every peice of clothing and furniture i own. I will never have to look for someone to feed Kitty while i'm away. Nor will I have to experience the guilt of leaving him at home.

The only problem I can forsee with my new Kitty Ownership Idea [(KOI) pronounced like coy] is that it is going to get ridiculously expensive flying back and forth between Vancouver and Toyko to visit my new kitty friends. I am hoping that some local entrepenuer will jump on this bandwagon and set up shop in Vancouver.

best email of the day.

fruking
spiltxx
tea oni myk kleyboartd./i xc
xc
FMLxc
xc
ta Iggulden

garlic & cheddar biscuits

Ingredients
1 3/4 cups all-purpose flour
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/2 teaspoon baking powder
5 tablespoons butter
1 cup milk
1 cup shredded Cheddar cheese
1/4 cup butter, melted 1 clove garlic, minced

Alterations and substitutions:
I doubled the recipe and ended up making about 30 bisucits.
I used soy milk instead of cow's.
I added a whole whack of flaky pepper. Note: The Vetter's pepper has an amazing kick to it, I think it might be Costco pepper. I am considering 'borrowing' some for my own personal pepper stash.
I added garlic powder and garlic salt.
I added about 1/4 cup of parm cheese on a whim
Next time I bake these at my house I will substitute half the white flour for whole wheat. I am also thinking that including bacon in these would be amazing. Maybe even chives and making it like an entire meal in one small biscuit. I will scour allrecipes and see if there is anything similar.

Directions
Preheat oven to 450 degrees F (230 degrees C).
In a large bowl, sift together flour, salt and baking powder. Cut in butter until mixture resembles coarse crumbs. Make a well in the center of flour mixture. Add the milk and cheddar cheese; stir to combine. Drop batter by spoonfuls onto an ungreased baking sheet.
Bake in preheated oven for 12 to 15 minutes, until lightly browned. While biscuits are baking mix melted butter and minced garlic. Brush garlic butter over hot baked biscuits.

Note: Working with dough always makes me nervous. Overmixing is so easy to do and produces disasterous results that are usually unsalvageable. So I tried my best not to overmix. I think i did reasonably well. They say to put them on the baking sheet by the spoonful, but I made them into balls using my hands and patted into a reasonable shape. Some of the reviews I read said to roll out the dough and cut into rounds. I might try that next time. Perhaps add some extra baking powder to get the extra volume.

I brought these to work and they went over well. Both Kimberly and Phyllis (who are the baker's in the office) asked for the recipe. They are obviously best fresh out of the oven, but are decently edible after a brief stint in the microwave. I have a fear of butter and the things it will do to my arteries, so I almost skipped the step of brushing them with garlic butter. This would be a huge mistake, the garlic butter makes them unbelievably scrumptious.

I have frozen approximately ten of them to store in the freezer. Next visiter at the penthouse gets a sample!

Thanks again to allrecipes and those who submit and review recipes there. Scouring that sight has proven to be the highlight of my sad sad life (insert emo song here).

The Un-Official Foodie Handbook

Before I had officially decided that I wanted to be a Foodie, I was just a girl who obsessed about food. New ingredients, new recipes, new restaurants; Low fat, low calorie, high protein, high fibre; What to try, what to buy, what to bake; Where to go and what to order... A thousand seemingly insignificant food related details. It's just food afterall, right? Wrong. Now that I'm Shelly the Foodie I have legitimate platform to obsess about foodstuff.

As per Wikipedia:

Foodie is an informal term for a particular class of aficionado of food and drink. The word was coined in 1981 by Paul Levy and Ann Barr, who used it in the title of their 1984 book The Official Foodie Handbook.

Although the two terms are sometimes used interchangeably, foodies differ from gourmets in that gourmets are epicures of refined taste who may or may not be professionals in the food industry, whereas foodies are amateurs who simply love food for consumption, study, preparation, and news. Gourmets simply want to eat the best food, whereas foodies want to learn everything about food, both the best and the ordinary, and about the science, industry, and personalities surrounding food.

I think my lack of refined taste will suit me well as a foodie. Come along with me on my journey [insert beckoning arm gesture here].

Pick a country, any country... Ethopia? okay sure. I'll tell you about the time (Last Saturday) when we went for Ethiopian food. For some of you that may not know, Ethiopia is a country on the East coast of Africa with a population of around 80 million people and boasts to being one of the oldest sites of human existence known to scientists today. WOW!

Rumor had it that Alanna and her cohorts Leslie and Vicky were heading down to commericial drive to cross Ethiopian Food off their Bucket List. When my plans fell through that night I called and begged Nikita to bring me along. Nothing gets my juices flowing like Ethiopian food. Please note that was said straight-faced sarcastically. On the way downtown Nikita mentions that she has something to tell me. Now I can't remember exactly how she said this, but it was in such a way that frightened me. Basically, Bad News Bears.

"You have to eat with your hands at this restaurant, there isn't any cuttlery," Nikita mumbles.

"WHAT?! Have you seen how long my nails are?" I gasp in horror.

After a minute or two of sulking i get over it. Shortly after we arrive at the restaurant, which is called Addis. The pronunciation is unverified. We threw it around a bit and came up with "ah-dee".

The three musketeers have already arrived and a minute later the waiter brings us some menus. On the menu there are a variety of chicken, beef, lamb and vegeterian dishes with minimal descriptions. We ask the waiter what his recommendations are and he isn't very helpful. A gentleman who has just finished his meal and is leaving the restaurant comes over and apologizes for eavesdropping then tells us he had the vegetarian and the chicken dish and that it was more than enough for him and his dining companion. We take his recommendation and add a beef dish as well to round out the meal.

The food comes. It is on a large round plate topped with, what seems to be, a pancake. This pancakey adornment has also been rolled up and served on a side dish for us to use as our utensils (remember? no cutlery!). The beef and chicken are nicely cooked and seasoned. The assortment of vegetables are decent as well. This is definitely a meal that is best had with good friends or family as there is a lot of grabbing and reaching and mess. After the meal is over and our parking has almost expired we go up to the till to pay. $35 dollars for the five of us. I convince Nikita to buy a box of chocolate covered almonds for a good cause (the cause being my grumbling tummy).

Annonymous quote:

I had no idea they had Ethiopian food judging by the photos I have seen in National Geographic.

Gerdan Zerid III

It just hit me like a ton of bricks... I have not blogged about Kitty's disappearance. I don't necessarily feel like I've betrayed him, quite the opposite in fact. I have been holding onto a glimmer of hope that Mr. Gerdan Zerid The Third would return to us in all his furry kitty glory. I will put the glimmer of hope into a pocket of a pair of pants I rarely wear as I feel it is time to move on.

Meowy McMeowington disappeared at the beginning of July like a chocolate cake at fat kids camp. Not a trace. The story, as I was told is as follows: One morning the Carol heard coyotes. The cat did not come when called as per usual. That is the only hard fact we have. I will be honest here. Being suspicious by nature, I questioned whether or not The Mom was conducting a cover up of Something Awful in order to save our feelings. I asked her (maybe not so politely) if she had something to tell me. She (I think I hurt her feelings) informed me she wasn't lying to me and that she didn't know the whereabouts of Kitty.

Let the search begin. In comes Sara and Amanda, aka Team Search Party. I will note here that we don't look like much of a search party, no special high tech gear and no plan to speak of. Manda, at this time, has a walking cast on her foot. Through the forest we trample. No more than seven minutes into The Search, Amanda gets stung by a bee. Lol. I don't know what to say here other than it was vaguely hilarious. She goes back to the house to lick her wounds. Sara and I continue on and stumble across what looks like a hobo's apartment. There is a pile of white stuffing that, at first glance, looks like it could be cat fur. Thank heavens it is not. We come to a gully and the search can go on no further. The forest is not a friendly place. We retreat home.

Signs go up around the neighbourhood. HAVE YOU SEEN THIS CAT? Insert picture of Kitty looking at camera with large amounts of disdain here. I listed off all of his features: long shiny white coat; gray points on tail, feet, nose and ears; startling blue eyes that may appear to be cross-eyed; a harrowing meow; comes to the name Kitty. I offered a reward for his safe return of an unspecified amount. I wouldn't want to put a price on his life... although I think we all know that I'm Cheaperific so the reward would probably consist of a twenty dollar bill and perhaps a piece of gum if I had some on hand.

I know our cat was hit or miss with most people. I can see how it could be hard to love a cat whose meow mimicked the cry of a baby, but at uprorious levels. I think though, that once one got passed that he was impossible not to love. A cat smart enough to come when called, who snuggled in your crook of your arm and didn't mind being under the covers with you when it was chilly. Head butts and purrs and the occasional face lick; kitty was a good friend. He will be missed. Also, RIP Kokanee. Poor little evil dog was in a lot of pain for way too long. You will be missed (mostly by grandma).

Insert guilty face here.... I am planning on getting a kitty from the SPCA in the next couple of months. They have an influx of cats and kittens that need a home and I feel, no- I KNOW it's my civic duty to give one of those kittens a home, preferably one that's gray with white points so he will match my condo decor.

‘Bit of an odd situation,’ police find bears guarding pot crop

CHRISTINA LAKE, B.C.—Marijuana growers in the B.C. Interior are using a new kind of bear trap, but its not bears they’re trapping.

Police uncovered two separate outdoor marijuana crops of about 2,300 plants near Christina Lake, just a few kilometres from the Canada-U.S. border.

When officers arrived in the area two weeks ago, they found 13 black bears wandering around the crops and then discovered the bears had been fed dog food.

RCMP Cpl. Dan Moskaluk said the officers were a little nervous to say the least, and cautiously went about making the seizure.

“As the members are conducting the search of the house, at one point in time the (home owner) has to shoo a bear out of the residence and out of the way, coming out of the basement,” he said.

“The owner tried to assure, ‘Don’t worry, they won’t become aggressive towards you, just don’t approach them and things will be fine. Certainly it’s a little bit of an odd situation to be in.”

He said the bears were very docile and it was obvious they were habituated to humans, acting unconcerned by the officers’ presence.

Moskaluk said it appears the alleged growers either liked having the animals around, or were using the bears to protect their grow operations.

During their search, the officers also stumbled across a roaming pot-bellied pig and a raccoon napping in one of the bedrooms.

“The pig was a little frantic at the sight of police, but the raccoon was pretty laid back about the bust and took it all in stride,” said Moskaluk.

Two adults in their 40s, both from the Christina Lake area, have been arrested and face charges of production and possession of a controlled substance.

No people or animals were harmed during the arrests, Moskaluk added.

Area conservation officers have been notified about the situation and Moskaluk said the bears may face an unhappy outcome if they are deemed too habituated.

Dozens of bears are killed every year in B.C. because they rely on human food sources and then become a threat to public safety.

‘Bit of an odd situation,’ police find bears guarding pot crop - thestar.com

#438 Your Almost Name

It’s what your parents were going to call you but didn’t.

Flipping through baby books, chatting at bedtime, you better believe your folks had alternate identities in mind before you borned out. They thought about nicknames, shortforms, and tributes. They thought about spelling, rhyming, and meanings. Basically, they thought and hoped and wished all kinds of things for you even before you made it here.

Sometimes when you find out your Almost Name it feels odd and uncomfortable — like putting on an itchy shirt, clenching your fist after waking up, or walking out of a movie and realizing your foot’s asleep. Maybe you let your mind wander and daydream about a new life where your Almost Name takes top billing and your nicknames, identity, and major life choices are all dramatically affected. You wonder how your life could be different — would you be more confident? Less passionate? More artsy? Less annoying?

Nothing’s the same when you’re Nancy.

Everything changes when you’re Chuck.

Now, my Almost Name is Paul.

Yes, it was a close call and my parents switched over to Neil at the last minute. I’m pretty sure Neil Diamond or Neil Armstrong got the name bouncing around their brains like a ping pong ball. But somehow Paul got tossed in the can before I showed up and my entire Paul Life got tossed with it.

And maybe that’s one reason Almost Names are so great: they remind us how lucky we are to get something else. I mean, it’s fun letting Almost Names add frames and borders to our lives … because it helps us feel a little more sure of ourselves and a lot more

AWESOME!

http://1000awesomethings.com/2010/08/17/438-your-almost-name/

Personal note: My ALMOST name was Amanda. Glenn and Carol were going to name the first of the two of us Michelle and the second Amanda, but then someone got the bright idea that it would be better if it was in alphabetical order; Amanda before Michelle. Thank god for that. I totally would be a downtrodden, struggling individual with a name like Amanda. I'm sure glad Amanada has been able to pull it off. Michelle Michelle Michelle. What a sweet little sound.

two wheelin' fool

Hey, remember when I fell off my bike and broke both my arms? That was fun {insert straight face here}. My main bike riding goal is to NOT do that again. My secondary goals are as follows:

1. To be super ridiculous cheetah speed fast.
2. To not quiver in fear every time i encounter a hill (up or downhill).
3. To acquire an amazing biking outfit (think Lance Armstrong).
4. To be able to bike to work at least once a week and arrive in a timely, non sweaty fashion.

Story time. My bike search ended abruptly yesterday after work. I had officially decided it was time to add bike to my life. A whirlwind tour of Capps, SportMart and SportChek left me dazed and confused, but nonetheless determined. 300 questions and 3 hours later I met Blue Lightning. Him and I and Snazzy White Helmet got loaded up into the car, with the help of Kevin the Salesman, and rode off into the sunset.

Back at the ranch, I got all geared up and then spent twenty minutes trying to fit the non fitting helmet onto my head. {insert lightbulb above head here} THE INSTRUCTIONS! After reading those and cursing for five more minutes the helmet had made it securely onto my head. You can't even imagine how ravishing i looked at this point.

Then it was time to put the front tire back on the bike....no sweat right? wrong. the front brakes are now rubbing on the rim. La de da, sitting in lobby messing with bike. Friendly neighbour comes to the rescue and helps me put it all back together The Right Way (note to self, do things The Right Way first time to avoid lengthy swearing episodes). I jump on my bike and wobble down the street.

Stopped by Uncle Ron's to show off my new ride. What'd you get that for? he asked. Idunno, i replied. I think he was mad that i didn't bring a loaf of banana bread with me.

then I began to ride. Tooker up my usual route down 200th (on the sidewalk of course). The occasional pedestrian and fellow biker were very courteous and usually let me have the right-of-way. I think this is because they saw the terrified expression on my face. I ran over two banana peels to no incident. I got some road riding in on the back streets and headed home when my butt could take it no more. My rudimentary distance calculator in my noggin says i did about 12km.

Guys, meet my new friend Blue Lightning...

just sayin.

So Stampede was dismal. I can't believe we drove 12 hours for that!

PSYCHE.

So good! Quick synapses for those of you who hate reading: Fried pickles, mini donuts, Martina McBride, prizes and rides, Dean Brody, a sunny river float, Sandra Bullock movie marathon, Sara's special (but not funny special) oatmeal pancakes, Rocky Mountains and the usual rounds of fist pumping madness.
We left Surrey Wednesday night and drove to the Iggulden's cabin on little shu. Breakfasted and hit the road by 930 (as per usual, half an hour later than planned). Some town we hit a rockin diner where we ate some delicious food and Sara and I consumed a beer, hence disallowing us as taking over driving duties. Money move. Hit some terrible construction and a semi truck accident that slowed the pace dramatically. NBD though. We spent the next hour ooohing and ahhing over the mountains and then did a pit stop at Lake Louise. Infested with tourists, but what a beautiful spot. Took advantage of the photo op and bathroom and drove straight through (minus a liqor run)to Calgary.
Sara's aunt (Doris) and cousin (Amanda) were amazing enough to let us crash at their place right outside of downtown- we basically highjacked the basement and our belongings threw up all over the place as per usual. Nikita and I, on a breakfast run, stopped at a super amazing farmer's market where we paid exorbitant prices for BC fruit. It's silly because we thought after Kamloops we would have numerous fruit (and possibly Dariy) stands to stop by to pick up the goods we required. Wrong. Post Kamloops is stand-less.
Amanda and her girlfriend Jewels took us out to a bar that had a couple of live bands playing and a Suicide Blonde competition ( i will let your imagination run wild on that one). It was interesting. A lot of beer was consumed trying to make it all make sense. I've never seen That many girls in one place with That many tattoos.
Shopping and lunching and napping and movies took up Saturday.
Sunday was a huge family (and friends) breakfast of oatmeal pancakes and french toast with berries and warmed syrup (Best). Followed by a visit to Jewel's house and a hunt for ice and then a hunt for the elbow river [a lengthy two hours combined]. Got the boats in the river (Sara and I in a boat) and after some precarious sitting positions we straightened our lives out and got to floating and drinking. Calling the whole event floating seems a bit misleading as there were a handful of rapids, as well as rocks, that needed manuevering. We had a bit of an episode with Sara donating her Popcorn flavoured Rice Cakes to the ducks of the river. Unfortunately, they called their duck and geese friends who stalked us down the river menancingly. All fun in games until shelly gets attacked by a duck (luckily didn't happen). Finally (as my bladder was on it's last legs) we got out of the river and made a spectacle of ourselves in teh safeway parking lot, half naked, deflating our boats. Dressed and ready to go we hit the Stampede for martina. Amazing concert. Nikita caught a free t-shirt pre-show (highest jump EVER!). Martina sang all her hits to perfection and came back for an encore where she sang Summer of 69 and... oh geez i forget, but it was another rock and roll song. Wicked ending. From here we got a great deal on ride tickets and convinced all the attendants to let us in free or 4 for 1. It was amazing. We also played a zillion games and Sara won a zillion teddy bears- whcih was awesome until Nik won a leopard print giant bouncy ball.... Hit the sack at 1:30 and were up at 5:30 to hit the road home. Boo. worst.
Stopped for timmys and powered through to Shuswap were we stopped for a quick wakeboard, seadoo ride, tan and lunch- then on to home. Overall I'd say we Stampeded the shit out of that weekend. Just sayin.

I'd like to leave you with a little something special. It's a shelly original. Please note that every line is subject to change.

It's just Franklin and Sara
No time for Shelly.
Just Franklin and Sara
It's unbearable.
Nikita, Alanna-
No, no it's sara.
Just Franklin and Sara.
No time for Shelly.

Things I've Learned - Houseboating Edition

It's time for another round of "things i've learned lately", brought to you by our special sponsor: Houseboating.
357. Bringing an extra 40 pounder of vodka "just in case" is a terribly great idea.
358. Sharing a batch of cupcakes is admirable but hoarding that same batch is scandously delicious.
359. Everyone thinks i'm a lesbian, thanks to JZ (who by the way is Fired).
360. Nutella on smores
361. Never trust that someone will hold up/down an anchor rope for you. This may result in rope lash.
362. Play on Matt's team for Beer Bong.
363. Don't play on Matt's steam for Brisbee.
364. Don't drink mojitos for Brisbee, especially when playing against seasoned Saskatchewan veterans.
365. Vegetarians aren't so bad.
366. Cheese smokies are delicious and are worth the potential greasy cheese face burn. Side note: always let nikita score your smokie to prevent said burn.
367. People may be worried about you when you 'go missing', get a stunt double for those cases.
368. Never say No to a proffered sleeping pill. Sidenote: think twice about saying Yes to other proffered pilles.
369. Two guys, a girl and a houseboat size queen bed will result in extreme morning grumpiness. Find other sleeping arrangements.
370. Those who fall asleep early will likely get T-bagged and/or wrote on with markers. Continue to never be one of those people.
371. The sun WILL come out. be patient and ready with tanning oil.

lottoMAX

We have a work pool going this week for the 50jillion dollar lottery draw. Let’s count my chickens before they hatch, shall we? I think it’s split between 10 people, so that would be 5 million each. After I collect my winnings on Friday the first thing I would do is drive over to TD and pay off my mortgage. I now have 4,825,000 left to spend.

I would order a slave (I would call her my assistant to sound politically correct) from Thailand and have her put out an ad to rent my condo. I would then have Carol start the search for some new digs. (I would probably pay her realtor fees this time instead of having them donated to me). Note to carol, am looking for a mansion of a house (large but not obnoxiously so), with a sprawling yard with a pool and lots of gardens and perhaps a maze. My garage would be need the capacity to hold the following: a boat, atvs, seadoos and perhaps a snowmobile or two (we will need lessons). What kind of car should I buy? I think I’d start with a Porsche. Something fast and pretty. I realize I’ve missed a rather important spending opportunity, clothes. I think I would need help here. A personal shopper to come along I suppose?

Next I’d have the Asst (let’s call her June) call up all my friends and inform them that I am now rich and awesome and to pack their bags because we are going on shelly-funded a trip. I think we would start off the trip with a quick jaunt to Vegas. I think, for old times’ sake, we would still stay at Imperial Palace. We would get a room facing the strip, however. Next maybe a trip down to old south America. On the plane ride over we could do a quick study of the Lonely Planet SA guide to decide what’s worth visiting. Once our tans were perfect and we had exhausted the awesomeness of SA we could jump over to Europe for some culture and shopping. I think first stop would be Italy for pizza, wine and gelato and, of course, Italians. Drool. Not sure if everyone’s still available, I reckon this has been a long trip so far, but from here I’d like to do round two of Asia. Some river tubing, bucket drinking, full moon partying and some tailor made clothes. Obviously during this trip I’m open to suggestions. Clearly not the planner of the group. I hadn’t thought about it very hard but I think I will leave June at home (in Canada) to look after my mansion. She’d be kind of a tag along on the trip which may be annoying.

Don’t worry I know you think I’m going to spend ALL my money, but fear not I am putting the majority of it in [name high interest savings account here]. Nikita, you are officially hired as my financial advisor. Make my money make me more money please. Manda, you are officially hired to do my taxes (note: I will pay you this time). I’m thinking that I’d like to own my own business. It would probably involve food. Make a deli/sangwichshop slash cupcakery. With wine. lol. it would obviously called All Shelly All The Time. You could get a turkey, pesto and cranberry sandwich on 12 grain bread served with a bowl of daily soup [it would most certainly be a tomato based soup on most days] and a cupcake (of your choice of course) and a chocolate milk (for those who so choose). Vegegreens and phytoberry shakes would also be on the menu.

Ps. manda you can have my civic if you want. Consider it the best birthday present ever. sometimes you gotta let me drive it again though.

diez vistas at buntzen lake

'diez vistas' translation: 10 views
'diez vistas'alternate translation: one mother of a hike

Wendy, Ki and I showed the diez vistas Who's the Boss. Lucky for us Tony Danza was nowhere in sight. Crazy amounts of uphill sections of rocky, rooty, rough terrain that is not white running shoe friendly. We were rewarded with beautiful views of the Indian Arm throughout the hike. Lucky for us the trail was marked with orange markers and we only got off course once- nbd, we didn't end up in Revelstoke or anything. A few trips and slips we all had but am proud to say there was no falls or death to speak of. The calves and quads were screaming for many a mile. About two and a half hours of the Diez and we reached the Power House road which is a BC hydro access road that after a while brought us to a jog as it started to rain like retarded. Finally we hit south beach, had a pee and hit the final trail home. Ignoring the screaming muscles and pending blisters we took it at a run, only to stop about two k in for snack time. This is also where i passed nikita one of the backpacks to slow her down as she was hauling ass and winding WW and I. Peanut butter protein bars and water in tummies 1, 2 and 3 and we are off at a sprint. The final lag is mostly downhill with easy to navigate terrain and pretty little bridges and is basically a treat to run. We killed it and made it to the parking lot in twenty minutes, doing the total hike/run in 3 1/2 hours. WW decided we should rename nik to Mountain Girl. I tried to work out some lyrics to a song, but they are still pending creative editing. Hike rating: tough, but wicked and worth it.

Here's the low down:

Diez Vistas Trail at Buntzen Lake
Hiking time: 6–8 hours return. Distance: 7 km (one way). Elevation gain: 460 m.
This route is recommended for experienced and fit hikers only. Spanish for "ten views", the Diez Vistas Trail is aptly named. Offering spectacular views of Vancouver's waterways and mountains, the Diez Vistas Trail commences near the floating bridge. Travelling uphill into the forest, cross the powerline and pipeline and continue along a series of switchbacks until the trail forks. The left trail leads to a viewpoint overlooking Indian Arm and the right leads to a view of South Beach and across to Eagle Ridge. After reaching the high point where the trails reunite, you travel along a forest trail that terminates at a BC Hydro service road. Keep right and follow the service road and transmission line (the Old Buntzen Lake Trail) back to the Buntzen Lake Trail, where a left turn will take you to the suspension bridge leading to North Beach. From here, follow either Powerhouse Road or the Buntzen Lake Trail back to South Beach.

http://www.bchydro.com/etc/medialib/internet/documents/community/pdf/buntzen_lake_trails.Par.0001.File.BCH09_002_Buntzen_lake_09.pdf

joke.of.the.week.

A woman gave birth to twins that she could not keep. One was sent to Iraq and named Amahl, the other was sent to Mexico and named Juan.

Many years later, the woman received a letter in the mail from her son Juan about how well he was doing, complete with a picture. The woman loved this letter and made a huge fuss over it.

A week later, she gets the same type of letter from her other son, but she merely smiled and tossed it aside.

When asked why she did not fuss about this one, she merely said..."If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amahl."

Kulua Airline

Kulula Air a low-fare South African airline. It operates domestic services to all major cities in South Africa plus regional services to Namibia, Mauritius and Zimbabwe.
Its main base is Tambo International Airport, Johannesburg. Headquarters are near Tambo in the Bonaero Park area of Kempton Park, Ekurhuleni, Gauteng.

The Kukulula.com fleet consists of the following aircraft:

1- Boeing 737-200
3- Boeing 737-400
1- Boeing 737-800

This is a real South African airline, and the planes are really painted like this …

guys like girls with [brownie] skills

One of my goals as Suzy Homemaker is to cut the sugar, fat and calories in any and all recipes I try. Unfortunately, this often is to the detriment of a treat's taste. Don't get me wrong, i'm not settling for mediocrity, i am constantly searching for appropriate substitutions and healthier ingredients that will increase the Tasty Factor. I might be 'counting my chickens before they hatch' on this one as i haven't taste tested yet, but fuck it. the smell in condoMe is tantalizing. there is no way my brownies could be anything but delicious.

Part 1. PURPLE people-eater PUREE
3 cups of raw spinach purreed with 1 1/2 cups of blueberries (i had to buy dried blueberries and reconstitute them because PriceMart was out of both their frozen AND fresh varieties. Google informed me that reconstituting berries is NBD and a perfect sub for fresh/frozen. I am undecided.) Anyhow, furiously blend the stuff together with some blueberry water and lemon juice and you get this sick looking purpley puree that is rather delicious.

Part 2. Flour Blend
Equal parts white flour, whole wheat flour and un-sweetened wheat germ ( i think i messed up on the wheat germ and got oat germ instead. A germ's a germ though, right?) Add in too much cinamon, instant coffee, cocoa powder and a shake of salt.

PArt 3. Melt chocoalte with butter and lick spoon. mix with purple mess. add eggs, vanilla and less sugar than asked for. Then mix Flour Blend into it. Don't be shocked how little dry ingredients there are, this is probably a good thing,

Put in oven at 350 for 30minutes and lick all utensils and bowls clean.

i am having a bit of a moral dilemma in regards to the frosting though. i have some left over chocolate cream cheese icing in the fridge that would top them to chocoaltey perfection, while quadrupling the calorie count. sigh. I just found a recipe that calls for a cream cheese frosting which is then topped with a chocolate glaze. a bit ridiculous, but so is Reese's Pieces for dinner. what do i care?

credit to www.thesneakychef.com

a running litany

get it? a running litany. i came up with that brilliant play on words this morning during my jog. i was talking to katie about running and she said she always has the best runs when she has lots on her mind. sometimes that happens with me, but i usually spend thirty seconds on a problem, mentally rock, paper, scissors for the solution and get on with my life. today i decided i would do some thinking on my run. so here's where the running litany comes in... lucky ducks, you get a peak into what goes on in this pretty little head of mine. [WARNING: this may not be suitable for all readers, please turn back now if you are any of the following: judgemental, squeamish, not in a pro-shelly mood or if you don't wanna hear any fart jokes.]

after twenty jumping jacks in my lobby (i have decided they are an acceptable pre run warm-up)i throw on the ipod stop watch, choose genre "Unknown" on my ipod (for the first time ever) and head out. Within the first two blocks i have come up with a brilliant idea of where to put my key (which is attached to a hair elastic that i normally put around my wrist/arm- but it cuts off my circulation). my hair! i will tie it around my ponytail, the only problem with this is that i can't see the key which gave me fits about thirteen times during my run. but the circulation in my left arm has never been better! totally worth it. running south up 200th i see a banana peel and carefully dodge it. i used to think that the banana peel gag in cartoons was some kind of myth, that was until i accidentally stepped on one in the hallway at school and ALMOST died. slippery indeed. i have no problem with littering organic matter, i am the first to throw an apple core out a car window (it's practically a sport), however, i would never EVER throw a banana peel where someone may step and slip on it. i think that's a true testament to my character. anyhow, if you can believe it, i see THREE more banana peels littering the sidewalk in the next five blocks. who the f is doing this i ponder? At this point i am around 44th ave, so have only gone a few kms and haven't decided the extent of my run yet. i get a bit of a second wind after hill number 1 and 2 (the only up-hill sections i have to face on my long runs) so i decide i will push it and plan to do a long run. I spend the next three kms mulling over boys and end up getting a side stitch so give that up in a hurry. at 28th ave i discover there is a diner called Race Trac, it smells like bacon. i almost die. mental note to drag someone there with me in near future. right after the diner is a pub called something silly but it looks totally adorable, second mental note to drag someone there, perhaps for a post-diner drink. or perhaps not. anyhow the pub reminded me that tonight is fight night and i pondered what we should do. to the casino with lisa and her gang or to southpoint with bobby,etc. and then some country song came on that mentioned whiskey and i got a hankering for a whiskey sour, which i quickly turned into an amaretto sour, because whiskey makes me mean slash cry my eyes out. and then i remembered the fight me and lisa got into last week which resulted in tears and a reminder that she still has my pink frisbee. then i look up and see i am coming up to 18th ave. i do some rough calculations and figure this would make it around a 16 k run, so i jubilantly cross the street. two ladies are just walking by and i yell "woo i'm on the way home!" they laughed and i picked up the pace ... for about a minute and then i realised my stomach was starting to churn. uh oh i think. gurgle gurgle my stomach says. i slow the pace and ponder the story i heard about a woman who won a marathon with shit running down her leg because she lost control of her bowels. note to self: never be that woman... i'm concernicus (dane cook joke reference) at this point, but then it 'passes'. lol, pun. and i'm fine and running again. then Fancy by Reba McEntire began playing (which is one of lisa's favorite songs) and i NTS'd i should tell her she shoudl name her first girl FAncy. "i might have been born plain white trash, but Fancy was my name". the white trash line reminded me of last night when mom and i went out to abbotsford to see cousin Nicole off to her prom. she looked really super pretty. hair, makeup and dress were all really good. only downer was she was wearing flats (not that you could see them, but come on). anyhow, one of her little friends yells 'hey nicky, what's that on your back?" so i turn her around and move her hair and there's a fucking tattoo. :O is the face i make. Carol and Uncle Stu, "WHAT?"., uhm. screaming and arguing ensue between stu and nicky and then carol and i break it up and tell them it's not the time or place. Then i bring up the fact that uncle stuart has a billion tattoos and he's being rather ridiculous about it. Plus hers is in good taste in a spot that isn't visible and it's a fuckin religious tattoo. God save us all or something. ... no, praise the lord? ugh, i forget. anyhow, it was pleasant saying in a nice little handwritten script.. then i recall the convo at dinner about how nicole was SO lucky he found out then where he couldn't really get mad at her, which reminded me of mom how SHE found out about Lisa's tattoo. for those of you who don't know, carol discovered the tattoo while lisa was laying in a mexican hospital with a broken back after her atv'ing accident. what can you possibly say at a time like that? here i am back at 40th ave and am feeling some stiffness in my knees. i work on my form a bit. straighten the back, drop the shoulders and correct my arms so they are pumping parallel to my body. I get a face full of wet leaves and curse the homeowners slash City who don't keep their trees trimmed. I shouldn't have to worry about losing an eye from a branch that is rudely protruding onto public property. britney spears makes an appearance on my playlist. i'm pumped. and then i recall the buntzen lake run/hike we are planning on doing tomorrow with wendy and co. i shudder and think up a million excuses to get out of it. then i convince myself i should do it and then i mentally RPS for it. we tied best out of three. lol yeah u can tie at best out of three when you play against yourself. i will decide on the hike later. Running towards me i see blond lady in blue jacket (as i like to call her). i see this lady running every morning on my way to work and am kind of in her fan club. I quickly put on my Not Tired At All Face and correct my form again and smile and say good morning. she is shorter than i thought she was. Down hill number 1 i go, this is hte steeper one that goes alongside the bmx park. i have a secret longing to rip up that bmx park, but my fear of broken limbs has and will continue to hold me back. down hill n umber two i go and the home stretch is upon me. i ignorantly run across the street without using a crosswalk and head east down michaud crescent. i always pick the pace up on this street in case i see any of my neighbours. i don't want to appear sluggish. nothing worse than a sluggish appearance. lol ew. so many slugs on my run too. i always envision stepping on them for fun just to see them squirt, but then i feel bad. side note, i ran over an ALREADY DEAD squirrel the other morning and almost vomited. i make it to the condo and after a brief panic attack remember the key is in my hair so i whip it out, let myself in and stop the timer- 1 hour thirty minutes. i strip off the soggy gear and grab a football jersey which is my newly preferred lounging gear and have a delicious chocolate protein shake. aka my favorite part of my running routine. i go online to map my run and see it was a tidy little 15.6 kilometers. proud? yeah kinda. lml.

kisses.

View my Soggy Saturday Run