UPIs

Unidentified Party Injuries: Many years ago I picked up this saying from a bloke in Australia. Yep, boys are blokes in the land of Oz. It's not my favorite word, but I like to stretch my vocab and if I have to go international to make it happen, so be it. SO BE IT, i say!

Unidentified Party Injury, or UPIs as I affectionately like to call them, are the war wounds from a good night out. Mine are most always in the form of bruises- I often look like the victim of a bad car accident. Broken nails, scratches and cuts all make the list of accepted UPIs. Most often, there is no recollection of how these injuries came to be. Hold on Carly Rae's Call Me Maybe is on.. must dance.

And I'm back.

I would like to add a sub category of UPIs. I think I can do that as I pretty much own the rights to the word. Pretty sure it's not even a valid addition, but again, it's my blog and I can do as I like. *please note that I said that in a snotty British accent.

With the power vested in me (by no one) I proclaim Lost Items to officially fall under UPIs. The only reason I even am broaching this is essentially so I could segue into telling you about my really terrible streak of losing things lately. A confession perhaps it could be considered.

Two weekends ago I got slightly boozy and lost my clutch. No wallet, no cell phone, no lip gloss for TWO DAYS! I was super duper lucky and it was found and I got it couriered back to me. Everything intact, pretty amazing. Total happy ending on that one, which means that I totally didn't learn any kind of lesson. Clearly - considering last night I somehow managed to lose my wallet AGAIN (that makes 2 out of 3 weekends). We went on a boat cruise Saturday and ended up at a friends house and the bar afterwards. A full 12 hours of drinking, it would be fair to say that I had a few- like thirty - drinks too many. So many bad choices. I ended up with a mad (or perhaps disappointed, which is way worse) boyfriend; no idea where my wallet had gone to; and a missing bathroom bag. PS i AM super sorry, Nick.

Man oh man. Waking up with a pile of regrets, still dressed in last night's clothes and remembering the idiot face I proved myself to be the previous evening sure makes for a less than sunshiney Sunday morning. I took stock of my UPIs and found some pretty impressive bruises, a cut on my finger from a shotgunning stint gone wrong, and a lump on the back of my head from unknown origin. Unfortunately it's impractical to spend the entire day in *face palm* position, so I had to live with myself and continue on.

After checking around for my wallet (to no avail), we watched the musical portion of the Olympic Closing Ceremonies - super enjoyable -and then I moseyed on home and proceeded to berate myself and then went to bed early.

The next morning I awoke to a message from Johnny saying he had my wallet and bathroom bag. I flew out of bed and did a little jig. ... what? never seen me jig before? It's a sight to behold- lemme tell ya! Another lesson gone unlearned. Although I AM actively trying to figure out a way to not lose my stuff when I go out drinking. So far I have no solutions. Someone suggested I try drinking LESS. I filed that under Nahhhhhhhhhhhh.

A Case of the Grumps

The Michelle Health Organization (MHO for short) reports that there's been a case of the grumps going around lately. This organization, which is neither very organized nor very healthy, would like to help you diagnose yourself. Not sure if you are suffering from the grumps? Here's a few things that might be a tip off:

• People leave the room when you walk in because they dread being around you and your bad attitude (badittude, if you will).
• You spend extended periods of time wallowing in self-loathing and, alternatively, self-pity.
• The usual good mood-inspiring things do not even bring a semi smile to your face. An adorable puppy in a cute outfit makes you roll your eyes instead of the normal giggle and clap.
• Even eating delicious treats do not make you happy.

Now, drinking excessively may seem like a good idea to dull the pain of your grumptastic mood, but it will not help. Let me repeat: Do Not try to drink the grumps away. It is cause for disaster and you will then be hungover AND grumpy. Please do not fret though, I have some helpful suggestions (that worked for me) to bring you back to Happy Land.

1. You need to go overboard on the things that make you happy. For me, it's baking. This weekend I baked a batch of deliciously low fat cookies, chocolate mousse (not technically baking, but still counts) and mini chocolate cupcakes with peppermint chocolate icing. The delicious end results, combined with the pleasure it brought to those who devoured the treats nearly pulled me out my funk. [see below for photos]
2. Exercise. Again, I suggest going overboard. Get out and work your butt off doing whatever it is you do to stay in shape. Yesterday I spent an hour at the gym and then hit the track with my iPod on the loudest it could go. By the time I was done, I was so frozen, deaf, hungry and tired that I had no room to be grumpy. Pure bliss.
3. Shopping therapy. Simple. Go out and buy things. You don't need to spend a million dollars, feel free to hit the dollar store, walmart or even go to the grocery store and hit the bulk bins real hard. Don't get me wrong, if you have the money and the inclination to make a big purchase, by all means do so. A new TV or car would certainly make your grumps disappear twice or even three times as fast.
4. Go tanning. I hear the WHO (world health organisation- who is actually a real organisation, unlike the MHO) declared tanning a carcinogenic, so maybe this option isn't for everyone...but if you aren't opposed to tanning and your skin could use some colour- jump on in to your nearest cancer box. Not only will you feel better because you will look prettier- you will feel better from that dose of vitamin D that you can only get from the sun, which we probably won't seeing much of for the next few months.
5. If you have completed suggestions 1-4 and are still feeling down then you have no choice but to go to Disney Land. It is the happiest place on earth. If a dose of the magic kingdom, mickey mouse and frozen lemonade can't cure you then you are pretty much out of luck. You can try repeating the above steps, perhaps in reverse order, but unfortunately and most likely, you will need to move onto #5.
6. Strong meds are officially in order. Prozak or some other anti-depressant. It will make you feel like you are living your life in a hazy cloud, not to mention the long list of negative side effects, but hey, it will likely kill the grumps. Murder at its finest. Visit a doctor near you for treatment.

Wishing you all a grump-free afternoon. Good day to you.

Walking while intoxicated can be a high-risk activity

I was doing some research at work and came across this little article. I was vaguely shocked at their statistics. Spoiler alert: December 23 and Jan 1 are the most deadly days for pedestrians. Tomorrow being one of those days I am rather freaked out. Also, we are planning on walking home after the concert at the casino on New Years Eve as it is really close to my condo. I am having second thoughts. Should we perhaps ride our bikes there? Or maybe it's just safer to drink and drive than it is to drink and walk? Either way folks, after having a few drinks make sure you look both ways before crossing the street.

Here's the article from the Vancouver Sun:

For all the warnings not to drink and drive, little is heard about a risky motor activity of another stripe: impaired walking.

Nearly 40 per cent of pedestrians killed on Canadian roads in a recent year had been drinking, with two-thirds of them having a blood-alcohol concentration more than double the legal limit for driving.

Of all the fatally injured pedestrians with booze in their systems, four in five had more alcohol in their blood than allowed for drivers, according to the Canadian Council of Motor Transport Administrators.
Heading into two of the deadliest times of the year for pedestrians -- Dec. 23 and New Year's Day -- experts say there's an urgent need for people to take the dangers of "drinking and walking" seriously.

"You don't think of impaired walking being a big deal, but it definitely is," says Valerie Powell, communications coordinator for the Canada Safety Council.

"A lot of times, at night, people aren't wearing bright clothing and blend in with their surroundings. And when you get an impaired pedestrian, they're not paying attention to the cars around them. That's where the problem comes in."

The CCMTA report, published this year, is based on 2007 data in national databases maintained by the Traffic Injury Research Foundation.

In the U.S., the facts are strikingly similar: according to the Insurance Institute for Highway Safety, 38 per cent of fatally injured pedestrians over the age of 15 had blood-alcohol content at or above the legal limit for drivers, with the percentage rising to 53 per cent for deaths between 9 p.m. and 6 a.m.

These numbers, although dramatic, likely underplay the problem of so-called walking while intoxicated since many fatally injured pedestrians aren't tested for alcohol.

In Canada, for example, of the 426 pedestrians killed on our roads in 2007, 247 -- or 58 per cent -- were tested.

The figures also don't reflect those people whose impairment led to fatal injuries outside of road settings.

"We often see people who have been drinking that have fallen down the stairs or tripped at home and injured themselves," says trauma surgeon Dr. Thomas Esposito, in a statement issued by the Loyola University Health System. "Others have unwisely chosen to 'get into it' with guns, knives, bottles and fists."

A landmark study in the journal Injury Prevention found Jan. 1 has more pedestrian crash deaths, on average, than any other day of year, with 58 per cent of those killed having high blood-alcohol levels. Halloween ranks second in the data, which looks at the period between 1986 and 2002, followed by Dec. 23.

Susan Bondy, an epidemiologist at the University of Toronto, says this fits with previous research out of Ontario that found "a really clear pattern" of alcohol sales and consumption increasing during the summer and holiday periods.

"If we're drinking more, and there are more drinking occasions, it follows that the risks should increase," says Bondy. "Spacing out your drinks is a good idea, but the bottom line should be to limit the amount consumed. There's nothing magic that will turn wine into water."