Floss much?

A young Asian girl takes me into the room and politely asks if she can take my coat. I acquiesce. She sits me down and tells me she'll be right back. While nervously waiting, I wonder where my usual girl is, I've been seeing her for nearly ten years and she was nicely broken in.

New girl comes back and informs me we are going to do xrays. I accidentally bite her glove as she's removing her hand. I apologize as profusely as I can while biting down on the tray in my mouth. She moves on to the other side and once again I bite her glove as she's pulling out her hand. Either her timing is off or I am retarded.

She asks if I've been flossing and brushing regularly. My deer in headlights look splays across my face and I just stare at her... "Brushing, at least?" she inquires further. I nod my head enthusiastically. Oh my, we're off to a bad start.

My long term hygienist peaks her head around the corner and says, "Watch out for this one, she's trouble!" I'm excited to see her but then wonder why she's not doing my teeth. Was it my lack of flossing that put her off? Am I only worthy of new girls? She inquires after my sisters and I tell her all the gossip. The new girl probably feels left out, but I don't care.

Before newbie sticks her hands and pointy objects into my mouth I ask wher her name is. She tells me it's Lisa. Great - Lisa! I like Lisas.

Lisa gets me to open my mouth and I do so, as wide as I can, hoping to win her over with my cooperation. She tells me that there is a fair bit of staining and asks if I drink coffee. I nod. Wine too, she asks? Uh huh. Now I'm nervous. So far, in Lisa's eyes, I don't have a very good track record. I curse my Optik White toothpaste for doing a half-assed job and vow to start a strict flossing regime sometime before my next appointment. After taking another look around she asks me if I ever had braces and I tell her No. She comments on how straight my teeth are (like I had anythning to do with that). I begin to like Lisa.

Back to business - she pulls out the whirly scrapy drill gun thing and has at'er. Within the first thirty seconds she hit a sensitive spot (damn receding gums) and my eyes well up. She asks if I'm okay and I mentally punch her in the face, but just make a gargled uh huh noise. She stops to suction up the pooling blood from my bleeding gums. She explains why they are bleeding - sensitive from the lack of flossing. She learns me all about my saliva glands and plaque buildup.

I have a sneaking suspicion this girl is fresh from Hygienist School. The tells: She hasn't quite mastered the art of not getting saliva all over my face. She adjusts the overhead lamp every thirty seconds. She feels the need to educate me about brushing too hard. She can't get the pedal speed quite right and goes from too slow to too fast on the polishing. Her use of the water rinsy thing made it feel like she was using a fire hose and the water got all over my face. She almost let me convince her that she didn't need to floss my teeth with a promise that I'd floss tonight (UNLIKELY).

Don't get me wrong, I like Lisa. She is the third best hygienist I've ever had. I just think her and I need a few more sessions together.

After a cursory nod from my dentist, I'm sent on my way. I don't know if it's the proximity to Tim Horton's (two doors down) or the fact that I'm not allowed to eat or drink anything for an ENTIRE hour... but every time I leave the dentist I get a horrible craving for a hot chocolate. I bet it would taste twice as delicious with a plaque free mouth.

JubeJube Monster

I'm pretty embarrassed by how many Jube Jubes I've consumed this week. On Monday I bought a good sized bag as they were on sale and thought they would be a fun treat for the office. I put a bowl out on the edge of my desk, but only a couple of people perused the multi-coloured bowl of fun. I, on the other hand, pretty much didn't take said hand out of said bowl for any prolonged periods of time. I tried to coerce my co-workers into eating them but apparently they are only fiends when it comes to baked goods.

I'm sure I've put my teeth through irreparable damage this week. I swear I can feel cavities forming. I flossed twice yesterday and brushed extra hard to try to make up for the sugary damage I have likely caused. I have probably put myself on the fast track for diabetes as well. I checked the nutritional content and it's about 130 calories for 5 jubes. I've ate about 300, so that's 7,800 calories, which amounts to about 4 days worth. I am planning on starving myself this weekend to make up for it.

After I massacred an entire bowl of them on Tuesday, I moved the bowl over to Wendy's desk, which is approximately 10 feet from me. All this resulted in was me getting up ten times more often to grab a handful of chewy deliciousness. Yesterday I found a mutant jube jube in the bowl. I spent 15 minutes deciding whether or not to eat it. I asked Work Mom Wendy if she wanted it, she said no, so I played with it for a while and then, when my curiosity won out, I ate it. It tasted like a dehydrated staleish jube, a little less stick to your teeth.

Every time I look in the mirror I find a colored gelatin bit in one of my snaggle teeth. I just finished the second bowl. There are more in my desk drawer though. I feel sick to my stomach, although maybe it's the two week past expired yogurt I just ate, or maybe it's just a feeling of longing for more jube jubes.