Floss much?

A young Asian girl takes me into the room and politely asks if she can take my coat. I acquiesce. She sits me down and tells me she'll be right back. While nervously waiting, I wonder where my usual girl is, I've been seeing her for nearly ten years and she was nicely broken in.

New girl comes back and informs me we are going to do xrays. I accidentally bite her glove as she's removing her hand. I apologize as profusely as I can while biting down on the tray in my mouth. She moves on to the other side and once again I bite her glove as she's pulling out her hand. Either her timing is off or I am retarded.

She asks if I've been flossing and brushing regularly. My deer in headlights look splays across my face and I just stare at her... "Brushing, at least?" she inquires further. I nod my head enthusiastically. Oh my, we're off to a bad start.

My long term hygienist peaks her head around the corner and says, "Watch out for this one, she's trouble!" I'm excited to see her but then wonder why she's not doing my teeth. Was it my lack of flossing that put her off? Am I only worthy of new girls? She inquires after my sisters and I tell her all the gossip. The new girl probably feels left out, but I don't care.

Before newbie sticks her hands and pointy objects into my mouth I ask wher her name is. She tells me it's Lisa. Great - Lisa! I like Lisas.

Lisa gets me to open my mouth and I do so, as wide as I can, hoping to win her over with my cooperation. She tells me that there is a fair bit of staining and asks if I drink coffee. I nod. Wine too, she asks? Uh huh. Now I'm nervous. So far, in Lisa's eyes, I don't have a very good track record. I curse my Optik White toothpaste for doing a half-assed job and vow to start a strict flossing regime sometime before my next appointment. After taking another look around she asks me if I ever had braces and I tell her No. She comments on how straight my teeth are (like I had anythning to do with that). I begin to like Lisa.

Back to business - she pulls out the whirly scrapy drill gun thing and has at'er. Within the first thirty seconds she hit a sensitive spot (damn receding gums) and my eyes well up. She asks if I'm okay and I mentally punch her in the face, but just make a gargled uh huh noise. She stops to suction up the pooling blood from my bleeding gums. She explains why they are bleeding - sensitive from the lack of flossing. She learns me all about my saliva glands and plaque buildup.

I have a sneaking suspicion this girl is fresh from Hygienist School. The tells: She hasn't quite mastered the art of not getting saliva all over my face. She adjusts the overhead lamp every thirty seconds. She feels the need to educate me about brushing too hard. She can't get the pedal speed quite right and goes from too slow to too fast on the polishing. Her use of the water rinsy thing made it feel like she was using a fire hose and the water got all over my face. She almost let me convince her that she didn't need to floss my teeth with a promise that I'd floss tonight (UNLIKELY).

Don't get me wrong, I like Lisa. She is the third best hygienist I've ever had. I just think her and I need a few more sessions together.

After a cursory nod from my dentist, I'm sent on my way. I don't know if it's the proximity to Tim Horton's (two doors down) or the fact that I'm not allowed to eat or drink anything for an ENTIRE hour... but every time I leave the dentist I get a horrible craving for a hot chocolate. I bet it would taste twice as delicious with a plaque free mouth.

Baby Damo

Oh, you haven't heard? The baby is here, the baby is here! Damon William Swain-Little has arrived. He was born on August 31, arriving in the wee hours of the morning. Damo was born 5 lbs 9 oz, quite tiny. At just under three weeks old, I believe he is still under 6.5 lbs. Such a cute little guy. Unfortunately the night of his birth, I had left the hospital to go home and catch some sleep and missed the whole thing. To be honest, I'm not that sad about that- apparently it was a rather horrific affair. Luckily everyone was so exhausted that they left shortly after he was born. Know what that means? It means that when I showed up the next morning I was the first in our family to hold the baby. I am still stoked about that. Pretty sure Damon will be like 20 years old and I will still be telling that story. Crazy Aunty Shelly he will call me.


Welcome Damon and Congratulations Lisa and Slatedogg. Here's some shots of big Dmoney.

PS. I've given up on even trying to be the best aunt. Amanda has that in the bag. She likes diaper changing and doesn't mind being puked on. 

Lisa's Cat in the Hat Baby Shower

My lovely little Big Sister Lisa is having a baby boy sometime between now and the middle of September. I personally have bets on the following dates: Sept 6, 7, 8 and 9. Us Littles are always early so I'm pretty certain the prize money is mine. I've already spent it, so I sure hope so.

Last weekend we threw Lisa (and La Babe) a Cat in the Hat themed baby shower. I designed and printed Dr Seuss themed shower invites with the help of my mommy. We went party supply hunting and hit the jackpot at Michael's with some Cat in the Hat paraphernalia such as a 6 foot tall Cat in the Hat poster and party hats (which nobody ended up wearing - boo).

The girls and I spent too many hours the day before baking up a storm. Brownies, chocolate cupcakes with vanilla butter cream frosting dyed blue to resemble Thing 1 and Thing 2, and sugar cookies iced in red white and blue. That's three batches of baking and three sets of frosting, which is a whole lot of dirty bowls and counter tops. Don't worry, Amanda made sure it was all clean long before we were done :) such a good housewife that girl is!

Lisa's best friend made 3 super amazing banners in Cat in the Hat style which we strung up around the living room - I can't even describe how pretty they were. Amanda ordered a Cat in the Hat themed cake which was mind bogglingly awesome. I peed my pants a little when i saw it. The cake sported a quote that said "A person's a person no matter how small.". cute, right?

I came out in costume when we were playing games and we all had a good laugh. The kids were mostly just scared of me. Hmmm... perhaps I will wear that costume all the time as a child-deterrent. uhmm just kidding, I'm not that evil.

I'd like to say I met some cool new people, but I spent most of my time in front of the oven watching things bake and then taste testing them. I then had to sneak out early to drive Jwolfs to the ferry, which means I missed the embarrassing party hat made of of bows and ribbons. It also means I missed the cleaning up- darn, my favorite part!

Overall great party. Super excited for the baby to come. Super excited to see him in all his new outfits and to NOT change diapers. Here's some photos. Get ready to be jealous:

Lone Dimple

"Hey, you only have one dimple," someone pointed out to me the other day. "Oh yeah!" I responded cleverly, in a super squeaky high pitched voice, face full of surprise. It wasn't even a fake mocking face of surprise either... it was an honestly shocked face. It's really not something that I've ever though too hard about.

I haven't always had this loner dimple- I think it grew in when I was a teenager. Now it's just kind of part of my face. Okay well not just kind of... it IS a part of my face. Ugh why do I use so many non-words? sigh. One day I'll get educated, I plomise.

Anyways, the reason this person pointed it out is they too had just one dimple. I think they thought this somehow provided us with an innate kinship. I disagreed. It did, however, provide me with a whole set of questions that I needed answered.

First off. Why just the one? I tried smiling super hard to see if I could make a matching one appear on my other cheek. No matter how hard I tried my left cheek refused to dimple. I examined my smile to see if perhaps it was a bit lopsided and maybe years of smiling crookedly inhibited a left dimple from forming... The only thing that proved was that I had food in my teeth.

I then checked pictures of Manda's face to see if perhaps she got the other one, but she did not- dimpleless that girl is.

So where has it gone, or perhaps more accurately, why does it cease to be? Why am I a one-dimpled-wonder? Lucky for you this is not a rhetorical question. I have answers! Their legitimacy may be arguable, but at least it'll help me sleep at night.

OK. Firstly, as per usual, Wikipedia.

Dimples may appear and disappear over an extended period.[2] Dimples may play a role in sexual selection.[3] Some cultures, for example Asian and Indo-ethnic sub-groups, prefer dimples as a sign of attractiveness and veracity.[4] Dimples may be genetically inherited and have been called a simple dominant trait.

Next, I decided to see what WiseGeek.com had to say on the subject. I tried StupidIdiot.com, but they didn't have anything to say on the topic.

The genetics of dimples is actually rather interesting. Dimples are a dominant trait, which means that it only takes one gene to inherit dimples. If neither of your parents has dimples, you shouldn't have them either, unless you experience a spontaneous mutation. If one of your parents has dimples, you have a 25-50% chance of inheriting the gene, since it means that parent inherited the gene from one or both parents. If both of your parents have dimples, you have a 50-100% chance of inheriting the gene, depending on how they inherited their dimple genes.

In most cases, facial dimples appear on the cheeks, although they can also pop up on the chin, and they are typically not visible until someone smiles. The changes in the face caused by a smile will bring out the dimple. However, some people only have a dimple on one side; this physical trait can actually be rather endearing.

Did you read that? RATHER ENDEARING! I am officially storing my dimple for special occasions now, or when I need to pull out the big guns to charm someone. Beware world!

After reading that dimples are inherited I polled the family to see who else has an affected face. You'd think I'd just know off the top of my head. You'd be wrong. Lisa says she kind of does. Amanda doesn't have bbm any more so is no longer reachable- but I am 80 percent certain her face is free of dents. I assume Mommadukes and Daddykins have or had them when they were young and fresh. If I had to take a guess, I would go with Glenn....

BREAKING NEWS> Carol just text me back. She has two dimples apparently. Interesting. Unfortunately, she's working so I can't get more than an affirmation from her at this time. Glenn's dimple status is still yet to be determined. But really, I feel my work here is done. We all can leave here a little bit more educated on something super non-consequential. You're welcome.

xo shelly.

Aunty Shelly

Big News Bears presents:

A BABY ON THE WAY!

Don't panic, it's not mine (the world is still safe from my demon spawn).

I am soon to be an Aunt. Aunty Shelly, I will be. My big sister Lisa is with child and is due in early fall. We are ecstatic. I have taken up singing baby songs like Row Row Row Your Boat and even eating baby food in preparation. Mashed peas and carrots?MMM yes please. OK OK, I'm lying. I don't sing Row your boat, that song is only good in harmony.

Now, I've never been an aunt before, but I think that matters not. I have been (and still am) a niece to many Aunts (and Uncles, of course). I know all about being a niece. I especially know what nieces look for in Aunts!

I am fairly confident that I will be able to slide seamlessly into the role of an Aunt.. With a little practice I think I will inherit the title of Best Aunt Ever. She is going to love me so hard! Ok Ok, I don't know for sure that La Bebe will be a girl, and if she is a he, that is fine with me. It will be refreshing to have a boy around who adores me and perhaps even drools over me (although ON me might be a more apt description).

Here's what I know about Aunts: I know that Aunts should be fun. They should be a mix between an older sister, a second mom and a best friend. Old and wise, but still young and fun. They kidnap their niece for a day of fun and adventure and bring her back late at night, tired and sticky and sad to be leaving the company of their favourite person ever. They buy the best Christmas and Birthday presents. Aunts babysit, without qualms or questions, when Moms need time off Mom duty.

Aunty Shelly. Sounds right, doesn't it? I can't wait to take La Bebe to the park and the zoo and teach her how to count and how to bat her eyelashes for maximum effect. I will buy her adorable outfits and hopefully coax her first word out of her. She will be my little sidekick and I won't even mind if she crys a lot, becasue I listen to my music so loud.

I will, however, pass her to her other aunts when it's time for a diaper change. La Bebe will be the luckiest girl around as she will have lots of "Aunts", the kind who aren't quite related by blood, but love you super hard regardless. They are your mom's friends and you get to spend a lot of time with them, because they don't have kids of their own yet.

 I'd like to take this line to say Thanks and Love you to all my real and fake aunts who made and make my life so wonderful. Sappy, but it was just one line, so get over it.

Baby Countdown: 20.5 Weeks



I one day aspire to be half as good an aunt as Aunt Jemima is a syrup.