A Case of the Grumps

The Michelle Health Organization (MHO for short) reports that there's been a case of the grumps going around lately. This organization, which is neither very organized nor very healthy, would like to help you diagnose yourself. Not sure if you are suffering from the grumps? Here's a few things that might be a tip off:

• People leave the room when you walk in because they dread being around you and your bad attitude (badittude, if you will).
• You spend extended periods of time wallowing in self-loathing and, alternatively, self-pity.
• The usual good mood-inspiring things do not even bring a semi smile to your face. An adorable puppy in a cute outfit makes you roll your eyes instead of the normal giggle and clap.
• Even eating delicious treats do not make you happy.

Now, drinking excessively may seem like a good idea to dull the pain of your grumptastic mood, but it will not help. Let me repeat: Do Not try to drink the grumps away. It is cause for disaster and you will then be hungover AND grumpy. Please do not fret though, I have some helpful suggestions (that worked for me) to bring you back to Happy Land.

1. You need to go overboard on the things that make you happy. For me, it's baking. This weekend I baked a batch of deliciously low fat cookies, chocolate mousse (not technically baking, but still counts) and mini chocolate cupcakes with peppermint chocolate icing. The delicious end results, combined with the pleasure it brought to those who devoured the treats nearly pulled me out my funk. [see below for photos]
2. Exercise. Again, I suggest going overboard. Get out and work your butt off doing whatever it is you do to stay in shape. Yesterday I spent an hour at the gym and then hit the track with my iPod on the loudest it could go. By the time I was done, I was so frozen, deaf, hungry and tired that I had no room to be grumpy. Pure bliss.
3. Shopping therapy. Simple. Go out and buy things. You don't need to spend a million dollars, feel free to hit the dollar store, walmart or even go to the grocery store and hit the bulk bins real hard. Don't get me wrong, if you have the money and the inclination to make a big purchase, by all means do so. A new TV or car would certainly make your grumps disappear twice or even three times as fast.
4. Go tanning. I hear the WHO (world health organisation- who is actually a real organisation, unlike the MHO) declared tanning a carcinogenic, so maybe this option isn't for everyone...but if you aren't opposed to tanning and your skin could use some colour- jump on in to your nearest cancer box. Not only will you feel better because you will look prettier- you will feel better from that dose of vitamin D that you can only get from the sun, which we probably won't seeing much of for the next few months.
5. If you have completed suggestions 1-4 and are still feeling down then you have no choice but to go to Disney Land. It is the happiest place on earth. If a dose of the magic kingdom, mickey mouse and frozen lemonade can't cure you then you are pretty much out of luck. You can try repeating the above steps, perhaps in reverse order, but unfortunately and most likely, you will need to move onto #5.
6. Strong meds are officially in order. Prozak or some other anti-depressant. It will make you feel like you are living your life in a hazy cloud, not to mention the long list of negative side effects, but hey, it will likely kill the grumps. Murder at its finest. Visit a doctor near you for treatment.

Wishing you all a grump-free afternoon. Good day to you.

Thou whoreson Zed, thou unnecessary letter!

I spend a fair bit of time talking to Americans and try not to give it away that I am Made in Canada, however I sometimes sell myself out.  I have to spell out letters occasionally and am always thrown into a panic when 'z' comes up. The dreaded letter "z" as it's come to be. I even went so far as to write it down next to my computer for easy reference. Today, my first instinct when i came across Z was to say ZEE so i (wrongly) assumed it was my Canadian-go-to and picked ZED instead. I was met with confused silence. I threw out a fake cough and started again this time pronouncing it Zee much to my caller's relief.

I decided the way to combat this problem was to do some research, then decided to make it a twofer and blog about it as well. I am always shocked, amazed and pleased at how there is always a website with the exact answer I need. Bill Casselman is like a Canadian-word spokesman or something. He has a page dedicated to the difference between zed and zee, apparently i am not the ONLY person who is concerned with this. He is officially on my list of Awesome Individuals -don't worry one day you might make it there too! (PS, his website is http://www.billcasselman.com/). Here's what he has to say:

Because it entered French from Latin as zeta, it became zède in modern French, zeta in modern Spanish and Italian, and zed in English. The Romans borrowed the letter from the Greeks where it is zeta.

Zed was not uttered affectionately from the lips of every English speaker. Hundreds of years after it entered our alphabet, certain literary types were still bitching about it. “Thou whoreson Zed, thou unnecessary letter!” yells Kent to Oswald during their slanging fight in Act 2 of Shakespeare’s King Lear.

In the first great dictionary of English in 1755 (there were other, lesser word lists printed earlier), Dr. Johnson opined “Z . . . zed, more commonly izzard or uzzard.” The names izzard and uzzard have not totally melted in the obscuring fog of history. Check this 1947 opinion from the Court of Appeals of Kentucky: “If this contract is valid, its provisions are all binding and effective from A to Izzard.” From A to izzard is a folk expression now rare or vanished that implies inclusivity.

In 1828 Noah Webster, the mighty American wielder of word clout, guaranteed that zee would predominate in the United States. In Webster’s magisterial American Dictionary of the English Language he stated: “Z... It is pronounced zee.”

The Concise Oxford Companion states, “The modification of zed ... to zee appears to have been by analogy with bee, dee, vee, etc.” Lye’s New Spelling Book (1677) was the first to list “zee” as a correct pronunciation.

I love that excerpt for a few reasons, first the Shakespeare quote is hilarious- whoreson, what an unusually fantastic thing to yell at a letter! Also, "from A to Izzard" is a great little all inclusive saying that i am going to adopt into my phrase collection. Moving on- so basically, people changed the pronunciation of zee to make it a better rhyming letter and to spite the British. Canadians know that singing the alphabet song is rather embarrassing when we have to sing... Y and Zed, now you know your ABCs next time won't you sing with ME! ME? that doesn't rhyme with Zed. Terrible song! We need to Canadianize it so we don't sound like idiots. Maybe it should be Sing with Fred or Sing in your head or maybe we should scrap the Zed from our alphabet. Not like we use it very often, there's about 3 words i can think of that we would have to come up with a new spelling for. I feel like it'd be a fun project. What should we change Zoo and Zebra to? Foo and Febra? I like. I will send my suggestions to Merriam Webster and get the ball rolling.

I tried to find some amusing pictures of "Z" but the results consisted mainly of Jay-Z and Dragonball-Z and i felt neither with appropriate for this blog, so I'm using a large pink font in lieu.