JubeJube Monster

I'm pretty embarrassed by how many Jube Jubes I've consumed this week. On Monday I bought a good sized bag as they were on sale and thought they would be a fun treat for the office. I put a bowl out on the edge of my desk, but only a couple of people perused the multi-coloured bowl of fun. I, on the other hand, pretty much didn't take said hand out of said bowl for any prolonged periods of time. I tried to coerce my co-workers into eating them but apparently they are only fiends when it comes to baked goods.

I'm sure I've put my teeth through irreparable damage this week. I swear I can feel cavities forming. I flossed twice yesterday and brushed extra hard to try to make up for the sugary damage I have likely caused. I have probably put myself on the fast track for diabetes as well. I checked the nutritional content and it's about 130 calories for 5 jubes. I've ate about 300, so that's 7,800 calories, which amounts to about 4 days worth. I am planning on starving myself this weekend to make up for it.

After I massacred an entire bowl of them on Tuesday, I moved the bowl over to Wendy's desk, which is approximately 10 feet from me. All this resulted in was me getting up ten times more often to grab a handful of chewy deliciousness. Yesterday I found a mutant jube jube in the bowl. I spent 15 minutes deciding whether or not to eat it. I asked Work Mom Wendy if she wanted it, she said no, so I played with it for a while and then, when my curiosity won out, I ate it. It tasted like a dehydrated staleish jube, a little less stick to your teeth.

Every time I look in the mirror I find a colored gelatin bit in one of my snaggle teeth. I just finished the second bowl. There are more in my desk drawer though. I feel sick to my stomach, although maybe it's the two week past expired yogurt I just ate, or maybe it's just a feeling of longing for more jube jubes.

scabs

This weekend, the day before my sister's wedding, I tripped and fell when I was out for a run. Of course I was wearing shorts so there was no barrier between me and the sidewalk, resulting in a rather scraped up knee. I tried to tuck & roll, so as not to hit my face or land on have to break my fall with my arms (which would surely end up broken as per usual) and was only partially successful. Although the roll added an elbow cut, a hip bruise and a shoulder scrape to my list of injuries. I am considering putting a complaint in to City of Langley regarding their faulty sidewalk as I am SURE it is the same place I tripped and fell two years ago. I haven't been back to investigate, but I'm pretty sure there's a monster living in the sidewalk who trips unsuspecting runners. Luckily I had Jessica with me, so she immediately pulled me up with hardly a laugh. After a few blocks we continued our run to the closest Starbucks where I proceeded to drown my embarrassment in a Venti Americano. Please note that I was a very Big Girl about the whole thing and didn't even cry. I posted the bloody knee picture to facebook and within 15 minutes Amanda had called to tell me that I wasn't allowed in wedding pictures anymore.

There were mostly two response types to my owie, neither which was heartfelt concern, but instead I was asked:

1. Why the heck were you running the day before your sister's wedding? and/or;
2. How do you fall running?

The answer to both questions is essentially because I suck at life. OK, maybe that's a little harsh. It's simple though, I like running, but am a clumsy girl. Really, I'm more surprised that I don't fall more often.

"So how is my knee?" you ask kindly. Well, it's scabbing up nicely, thank you. I had applied liquid bandage to my wound this weekend in hopes that I could maybe put some makeup over top, but it was too disgusting so I just left it out for all to see. PS, liquid bandage totally looks, smells and burns like nail polish and I'm pretty sure it's not really a good idea to put it on fresh cuts. Anyways, I spent most of the day trying to peel off the reminents of liquid bandage, which was kind of fun. I was hoping the scab would be a bit more pickable, but it needs a bit of time. Instead I picked off my entire manicure. Yes, all ten nails. After doing that, it kind of hit me that I think I have a picking problem. I quickly googled "picking scabs" to try to scare myself into not picking them any more. I came across this rather intriguing website called www.skinpick.com and this is what it has to say:

Picking scabs is a remarkably self-perpetuating way to act out obsessive-compulsive tendencies that often signal an underlying, often as-yet-undiagnosed mood or anxiety disorder. Patients often describe the experience as comforting even though painful. And very unsightly. 

Psychological symptoms that are often associated with picking scabs are depression, low self-esteem, addiction, eating disorders, and anxiety. A history of trauma or some sort of abuse is almost always involved.

Quite often the habit gets started as a way to relieve the pent-up frustrations or fears when other ways of dealing with conflict are not effective. Feeling that verbal communications are ineffective leave the scab picker feeling there is no other way to express the emotional turmoil going on inside.

Most people will pick a scab from time to time with no significant harm done. It’s when the act of picking the scab brings on emotional relief, desired pain, or pleasure that medical intervention is advised.

Wow. Insert :s face here. I'm pretty sure I just like a good de-scabbing and that I'm not bat sh*t crazy. Although, just to be sure I'm going to buy The Complete Guide to Compusive Skin Picking Disorders (CSP) skinpick.com for the low price of $29.95.

Gross, right? But I bet you totally wanna pick it too!

MOH Speech

My sister is officially a married woman, I now have a brother-in-law! I also officially have the worst hangover ever (totally worth it though).

The wedding was a beautiful, amazing, fun and touching event. The entire weekend was great- starting with a rehearsal dinner BBQ on Friday, followed by a spa day in North Van with the girls and a dinner with the crew on Saturday. The Big Day was Sunday which started at the crack of dawn with a run to Starbucks, followed by hair and makeup, snacks and champagne and then it was time for the ceremony. Amanda was absolutely beautiful in her dress and the bridal party as a group was stunning. The reception was so much fun and, as maid of honor, I was required to do a speech, which I have been fretting over for the last 8 months. When it was time for me to speak, I had made my peace with my nerves (for the most part) and pulled it off nicely (if I do say so myself). Here's the rough outline of what I spoke about:

Hi. For those of you who don’t know me, I’m Michelle- I’m the Maid of Honour. Amanda is my twin sister and my best friend; I’ve known her my whole life.

I was one of the last people to know that Manda and Jason had gotten engaged. The weekend Jason proposed, I was off camping in the middle of nowhere, of course with no cell service. When I got back to town I had 56 thousand messages and 100 missed calls. I honestly thought someone had died. When I finally found out the good news, I immediately wrote a blog about why I should be her Maid of Honour. In the blog I totally slandered my friends and fellow bridesmaids which probably makes me a bad person. It must have been pretty convincing because here I am, doing my maid of honor speech.

Amanda gave me a laundry list of things I wasn’t allowed to talk about in my speech, so I am NOT going to say anything about her favorite stuffed animal, Mr. Corn Head, who is essentially an ear of corn with a face-which is super creepy. There are a few other things that I am absolutely not going to mention...(looked over to Manda to share a conspiratory glance- received a death stare in return)

So since I can't talk about any of that fun stuff, instead I’d like to tell you why I love my sister. I’ve managed to wheedle the list down to 5 things, so here they are, in no particular order.

1. She is the best person to go on car rides with, for a few reasons: she’s a great car dancer; she knows all the words to every Sugarland song; she’s really good at air guitar, air drums and sometimes even the air fiddle; and best of all she’s usually doing all this WHILE driving, which is kind of scary, but mostly impressive.

2. She is always up to share a diet coke or diet root beer, no matter what. Yes, this is a very important best friend quality in my books.

3. She is the dollar store queen and is almost always able to tell me which dollar store I need to go to find a certain thing. For those of you who don't know, Amanda actually planned and decorated the entire venue which I think we can all agree looks absolutely beautiful, so let's give her a round of applause for that. Some of this beautiful decor has come from the dollar store...but I won't tell you which parts!

4. Other than my dad, she has the best tanning technique out of anyone I know.Arms up, arms down, flip over, etc- it is quite the process! They should have their own YouTube video and a million people would probably watch it and they would be famous.

5. And lastly, she lets me hold her hand when we are walking, even though I know she sometimes doesn’t want to. I started off with swinging my hand 'accidently' into hers and then clasping her hand. At first it didn't go over so well, but she's warmed up to it and will now pretty much hold my hand any time which is quite lovely.
OK so that’s it for my list. I don’t think those are necessarily the same reasons why Jason loves Amanda, as I know he doesn’t drink diet coke-which is weird- and rarely hits the dollar store - also weird- but I have seen him car dance, although it's not a pretty sight (insert awkward fist pumping action).
I guess the last thing I want to say is that I’m so happy for you guys and love you both and wish you many years of happiness. I’m super stoked to finally have a brother and I think my sister made a pretty great choice in you Jay. If everyone could please raise their glasses in a toast to Manda and Jay.

-Insert wild applause and cheering here-