stoopid questions

There's no such thing as a stupid question...right? Wrong! There is. Maybe not stupid, but definitely unnecessary. A Waste of Breath Question, if you will. Really there are only two that I can think of that make it impossible for me not to roll my eyes with a look of pure disdain on my face. Maybe that makes me a bad person. I don't really care. If you are asking either of the questions below, I think you are a bad person- and that makes us evenly bad people.

I'm not trying to make anyone feel stupid. I am here to help. Hopefully after reading this you will think twice before asking either one of these questions.

Stupid Question 1.
Scenario: You're in some one's kitchen and have garbage to throw away.
Dummy: Where's your garbage?
Average Person: Under the sink.

Seriously when someone asks this, I think they should immediately be put in a Time Out to think about what they've said. The garbage is under the sink. It can get a bit tricky- it might be on the left side or maybe it's on the right. You will have to take a gamble and choose a side. If you're not a gambling man let me help you- try the right side. If you open it and there's no garbage- don't feel disheartened, odds are good you will find it by opening the left side. You pretty much have a 50/50 chance of finding the garbage, without asking for help. Imagine how cool you will look throwing away your own garbage without having to request a map and set of instructions...Actually don't even imagine- think of Ryan Gosling. That's how cool you will look... maybe not as sexy, but just as cool!

I understand that OCCASIONALLY people keep their garbage in a standalone container on the fringes of the kitchen. This is when you score 0-2 on the under-the-sink kitchen cupboard check. Always disheartening, but at this point you have free range to ask your host where their garbage is. Don't worry, I'm sure they get asked all the time. They should probably have a sign at the kitchen sink that says "don't even bother looking- the garbage is over there --->".

Stupid Question 2.
Scenario: You have asked someone to take a picture of you and your friends.

Dummy: Which button do I press?
Average Person: The top right hand button.

Why do we do this? The button to snap a photo is on the top right hand side of nearly every camera. It's the spot where your right hand index finger naturally falls when holding a camera, ready to take a picture. Someone could hand you a camera and with your eyes closed you could probably guess which button it was from where your finger naturally sits. The clever inventors have made it idiot proof. Stop being an idiot- stop asking which button it is. Maybe it's a fancy dancy camera that has a million buttons. The button will STILL be on the top right hand side. It will probably be a circle. It will probably be screaming your name. If you aren't a hundred percent sure, press the button and see if it takes a picture. These days, it's not like your wasting film. Just guess. You will probably be right. If you are wrong and don't know what to do- don't panic, you can then ask for help. If I were you, I'd throw in a giggle and a twirl of the hair. Then maybe you will seem cute and dumb, instead of just plain old retarded.

I hope we all learned something today.

Good luck and god speed. xo shelly.