U is for Uh-Oh, the U-Turn Story

Yesterday, I'm leaving the gym and have made it out of the parking lot and am safely in the left hand turn lane, stopped at a red light. The light turns green, but I see a SUV which looks like it will be turning right, which would put him in the lane I plan to U-turn into. This u-turn is a crucial part to getting me home quickly with minimal hassle. Post work, post gym, I am a sweaty, hungry monster and like to be home ASAP. The SUV doesn't have a turn signal on so I look intently at the car to see if I can gauge what his plan is. He slowly pulls out, clearly about to run right, so I wait for him to go.

I am part way through successfully navigating my Uy when the suspicion hits me that the guy in the SUV had that I'm-a-cop-wearing-a-lot-of-important-bulky-gear look to him. [Insert swear word here] At this point I am driving behind him and he has slowed down ominously. I debate turning into a driveway in hopes I can hide from him, but my less idiotic self immediately realizes that's a terrible idea. He slows down more and then pulls overs- dammit. What can I do? I pass him on the left and he turns his sneaky, undercover cop car lights on. I pull over and try to find my brave, big girl face.

He comes up to the window and informs me in a scary voice: You've been pulled over for an illegal U-turn at an intersection. He then asks for my license and registration, which I have ready for him. He gives me a bit of flak about the address being illegible -I have the paper address correction thing glued on the back and half of it is ripped and the other half is faded. I nod and smile amicably and he leaves back to his car to play solitaire, or whatever it is cops do when they go back to their vehicles for what always seems like Forever.

He comes back and I smile my biggest smile. I scoped out his hands in my side mirror as he was walking up and it didn't look like he had his ticket book! He says, "OK we're going to play a little game."

I am both horrified and delighted at the thought of playing a game with The Officer. My mind is going a mile a minute, I'm thinking we are going to be Rock-Paper-Scissor'ing for my ticket! In response I squeak out an Uhhh ohhhh!  He laughs and tells me we are going to play a role reversal. He says, "Pretend you are me and have just pulled you over for an illegal u-turn. What would YOU do?" I can feel this is a trap, but refuse to lose this game. I quickly respond in my super serious voice, "I would admonish me sternly for breaking the law and give me a warning, make me promise never to do it again and then send me on my way!" He laughs heartily. I am feeling good about this.

He then goes on to say, "You looked right at me before pulling that u-turn, like you were taunting me! It was like a slap in the face." -insert hand over eyes face- I told him I'm not really THAT stupid, I just couldn't tell that he was in an unmarked car. I then complimented his ride and he says, "Darn, you were my last chance to give out a ticket today and you're just too nice so I can't!"

I ask what his name is and he tells me. We chit chat about where I was coming from (kickboxing) and about his upcoming time off at work.  Thai food somehow entered the conversation and I mention this great Thai food place really close by. All of the sudden it strikes me that he might be flirting with me AND THEN I feel like he might be thinking of asking me out- I can literally see the thoughts crossing his mind (OK, maybe not literally...). The conversation trails off and I promise not to do a u-turn there anymore. I get a case of verbal diarrhea and confessed that I do a u-turn there every day. WOW! What? Am I stupid or something? Apparently so. He looks at me, then turns to leave and comes back and hands me his card, wishes me a good night and walks away.

I, of course, do the speed limit the WHOLE way home. All eight blocks! Totally learned my lesson- don't get caught u-turning! Today, I was successful in u-turning without repercussions.