Detox Week (From Hell)

I decided to do a detox cleanse, so I picked one up after work. I could hardly wait. I read the instructions and realized I needed to hit the grocery store. Almond milk, lemons, blueberries, cashews and dandelion tea (which I didn't find so I picked sleepy time tea in lieu). I ate a healthy dinner drank lots of water and went to bed stoked for Day 1 of 7 in the cleanse process.

Breakfast was one 4oz bottle of liquid cleanser - a muddy green concoction that tasted like apples, with a glass of lemon water, a multivitamin and a blueberry protein shake. I was almost impressed by how tasty and easy it all was.

Then I got to work, where I realized I couldn't have a coffee. Panic sets in, but I control myself. It's okay, I'll have a peppermint tea.

By 8:00 I have a giant headache, an ashen face, and am nauseous and shivering. I can't get a thing done and am trying not to cry. I don't do sick very well. Nick is sick this week too so I'm thinking maybe I picked up whatever illness he has. I ask to go home at 9 and sneak out of the office to avoid the "get well soon" platitudes that always make me feel worse.

I get home put on sweats and go lay on the couch. I woke up at 1243 in the afternoon soaked with sweat. I quickly stripped down but become cold thirty seconds later so I put them back on. It has to be 25 degrees outside, my condo not much cooler.

I realize it's lunch time aka Round Two - so I stagger to the kitchen, make a lemon water, a boring salad and then grab all the cleanse stuff and go back to bed. My headache and fever rage on. I grudgingly drink another detox bottle and take five more detox pills. My mind is screaming at me not to do it, but I'm pretty sure that's just the sugar and caffeine withdrawal talking.

I proceed to eat my lunch in the fetal position on my bed.  My stomach is rolling. I've had three bites of salad. I'm scared that anymore might make me puke. I hate puking. It makes me cry and feel sorry for myself. I abandon the salad and go back to sleep.

My head is pounding, my skin hurts, I can barely move. I get 5 more pills and choke them down for dinner, with six bites of leftover salad. I nap for a bit and then try to go to sleep. I wake up every half hour or so during the night. I sleep on the couch, in the guest bedroom and even on the floor. I pray that day 2 will be an improvement.

Day 2. I crack my eyes open and I don't feel super horrible. I have breakfast and detox stuff, then try not to move too much. I'm still not sure if maybe I have the flu it's just coincided with this detox session. Numerous times, I wonder to myself if I should maybe quit the detox. I decide to ask Google, who directs me to Dr. Oz, who says Common Symptoms of "Withdrawal" From A Toxic Lifestyle include: an achy flu-like feeling, fatigue, headaches, itchy skin, nausea, insomnia. Ok, so I don't have the flu. This is all self included from my Toxic Lifestyle. Lovely.

Day 3. I wake up and am delighted that I feel pretty normal. Well rested even. I'm so excited that the liquid detox portion is over. I eat my pills and smoothie and go to work. I'm still pretty achy suffering from hot and cold flashes, but who's complaining?! I get to eat a whole wheat wrap today, yum.

Day 4. I've developed a hacking cough, which I cant imagine is from the detox. I blame Nicholas. I feel mostly fine.

Today is Day 5. My eye sockets kind of hurt, sinus related, I guess? I slept well and feel okay. The next two days of detox should be pretty easy. I imagine I'll turn into Superwoman within the next couple of days. So, if you don't hear from me, it's probably because I'm busy saving the world. Tootles.

healthtastic.

Let's talk about health, baby. let's talk about you and me. Let's talk about all the good things and the bad things. Health, baby. Let's talk about health!

I hope that song gets stuck in your head! Ok, so I've decided to do a spiel on health by sharing some of the things that I do as part of my normal routine that I believe keep me healthy. I actively pursue new ideas and trends to see what others are doing to keep themselves healthy and fit. Some I try out and nix within a week or so and some things I keep and mix into my own routine. Hopefully one or more of these things will make your life a little bit better! Ready? OK!

#1. I take vitamins, daily. What kind, you ask? Depends on what's on sale when I go shopping for vitamins. Currently I take a multi vitamin, a cranberry pill, and biotin (helps to metabolize carbs, protein and fat - rumoured to make your hair grow faster). Occasionally, I take Omega 3 pills, probiotics, vitamin C and echinacea.

7. I squeeze a lemon in my first bottle of water in the morning. Lemon water helps balance your pH, has tons of vitamin C, aids in digestion and helps the purging of toxins. The rest of the day, I drink plain boring old water, but lots of it so that I don't dry up like a prune.

#4. Oatmeal for breakfast, every day.... sounds boring, but I've been eating it for years and never get sick of it. I make mine with skim milk and add in banana, ground flax and vanilla protein powder. Sometimes I get wild and will throw in blueberries, chocolate chips or even nuts. It's a hearty, well-rounded breakfast that keeps me full until snack time.

5) I work out 6 days a week, doing both cardio and weights. One of those workouts if spent with my personal trainer who gives me the extra push I want and the accountability I need. I spend a lot of time on the treadmill with my ipod, and find it helps me get my thoughts in order. I also love running really fast. I especially love running in front of the mirror because I feel like I'm racing myself.

6. I eat 3 meals a day and a couple of snacks. Eating often keeps my metabolism up and stops me from ever being hungry. I try to eat lean proteins, lots of vegetables, whole grains and low fat dairy. That being said, I rarely choose salad over fries at restaurants and I will take a steak over chicken almost any day of the week.

2. I have warm baths with Epsom salts a few times a week. Some of the countless health benefits include relaxing the nervous system, curing skin problems, soothing back pain and aching limbs, easing muscle strain, healing cuts, treating cold and congestion, and drawing toxins from the body.

8. I don't watch a lot of TV, especially since I JUST finished all 5 seasons of Sons of Anarchy and have nothing else I want to watch... I spend a lot of my free time reading. I read somewhere that reading burns more calories than watching TV because your brain has to work harder. Reading also keeps my vocabulary up to snuff. Speaking of vocabulary, you'd think with all the reading I do that I could come up with a better word than 'snuff'!

3) I get an embarassing amount of sleep. On weeknights I'm usually in bed by 9:30 and up at 6:30, which is 9 hours each night. I like to think I bank some of those extra hours for the weekends where I'm up until 4AM.

The end. That's it? Yep! I know, I know, nothing earth shattering. I am not a health nut by any means. There is an equally long list of things I do that are super unhealthy (see: binge drinking, McDonalds, aspartame and all-night partying) but I can definitely tell you that everything on my list is shelly tested and approved! Are you on pinterest? Go check out my healthtastic board here.

Now, go be healthy!