Aunty Shelly

Big News Bears presents:

A BABY ON THE WAY!

Don't panic, it's not mine (the world is still safe from my demon spawn).

I am soon to be an Aunt. Aunty Shelly, I will be. My big sister Lisa is with child and is due in early fall. We are ecstatic. I have taken up singing baby songs like Row Row Row Your Boat and even eating baby food in preparation. Mashed peas and carrots?MMM yes please. OK OK, I'm lying. I don't sing Row your boat, that song is only good in harmony.

Now, I've never been an aunt before, but I think that matters not. I have been (and still am) a niece to many Aunts (and Uncles, of course). I know all about being a niece. I especially know what nieces look for in Aunts!

I am fairly confident that I will be able to slide seamlessly into the role of an Aunt.. With a little practice I think I will inherit the title of Best Aunt Ever. She is going to love me so hard! Ok Ok, I don't know for sure that La Bebe will be a girl, and if she is a he, that is fine with me. It will be refreshing to have a boy around who adores me and perhaps even drools over me (although ON me might be a more apt description).

Here's what I know about Aunts: I know that Aunts should be fun. They should be a mix between an older sister, a second mom and a best friend. Old and wise, but still young and fun. They kidnap their niece for a day of fun and adventure and bring her back late at night, tired and sticky and sad to be leaving the company of their favourite person ever. They buy the best Christmas and Birthday presents. Aunts babysit, without qualms or questions, when Moms need time off Mom duty.

Aunty Shelly. Sounds right, doesn't it? I can't wait to take La Bebe to the park and the zoo and teach her how to count and how to bat her eyelashes for maximum effect. I will buy her adorable outfits and hopefully coax her first word out of her. She will be my little sidekick and I won't even mind if she crys a lot, becasue I listen to my music so loud.

I will, however, pass her to her other aunts when it's time for a diaper change. La Bebe will be the luckiest girl around as she will have lots of "Aunts", the kind who aren't quite related by blood, but love you super hard regardless. They are your mom's friends and you get to spend a lot of time with them, because they don't have kids of their own yet.

 I'd like to take this line to say Thanks and Love you to all my real and fake aunts who made and make my life so wonderful. Sappy, but it was just one line, so get over it.

Baby Countdown: 20.5 Weeks



I one day aspire to be half as good an aunt as Aunt Jemima is a syrup.



U is for Uh-Oh, the U-Turn Story

Yesterday, I'm leaving the gym and have made it out of the parking lot and am safely in the left hand turn lane, stopped at a red light. The light turns green, but I see a SUV which looks like it will be turning right, which would put him in the lane I plan to U-turn into. This u-turn is a crucial part to getting me home quickly with minimal hassle. Post work, post gym, I am a sweaty, hungry monster and like to be home ASAP. The SUV doesn't have a turn signal on so I look intently at the car to see if I can gauge what his plan is. He slowly pulls out, clearly about to run right, so I wait for him to go.

I am part way through successfully navigating my Uy when the suspicion hits me that the guy in the SUV had that I'm-a-cop-wearing-a-lot-of-important-bulky-gear look to him. [Insert swear word here] At this point I am driving behind him and he has slowed down ominously. I debate turning into a driveway in hopes I can hide from him, but my less idiotic self immediately realizes that's a terrible idea. He slows down more and then pulls overs- dammit. What can I do? I pass him on the left and he turns his sneaky, undercover cop car lights on. I pull over and try to find my brave, big girl face.

He comes up to the window and informs me in a scary voice: You've been pulled over for an illegal U-turn at an intersection. He then asks for my license and registration, which I have ready for him. He gives me a bit of flak about the address being illegible -I have the paper address correction thing glued on the back and half of it is ripped and the other half is faded. I nod and smile amicably and he leaves back to his car to play solitaire, or whatever it is cops do when they go back to their vehicles for what always seems like Forever.

He comes back and I smile my biggest smile. I scoped out his hands in my side mirror as he was walking up and it didn't look like he had his ticket book! He says, "OK we're going to play a little game."

I am both horrified and delighted at the thought of playing a game with The Officer. My mind is going a mile a minute, I'm thinking we are going to be Rock-Paper-Scissor'ing for my ticket! In response I squeak out an Uhhh ohhhh!  He laughs and tells me we are going to play a role reversal. He says, "Pretend you are me and have just pulled you over for an illegal u-turn. What would YOU do?" I can feel this is a trap, but refuse to lose this game. I quickly respond in my super serious voice, "I would admonish me sternly for breaking the law and give me a warning, make me promise never to do it again and then send me on my way!" He laughs heartily. I am feeling good about this.

He then goes on to say, "You looked right at me before pulling that u-turn, like you were taunting me! It was like a slap in the face." -insert hand over eyes face- I told him I'm not really THAT stupid, I just couldn't tell that he was in an unmarked car. I then complimented his ride and he says, "Darn, you were my last chance to give out a ticket today and you're just too nice so I can't!"

I ask what his name is and he tells me. We chit chat about where I was coming from (kickboxing) and about his upcoming time off at work.  Thai food somehow entered the conversation and I mention this great Thai food place really close by. All of the sudden it strikes me that he might be flirting with me AND THEN I feel like he might be thinking of asking me out- I can literally see the thoughts crossing his mind (OK, maybe not literally...). The conversation trails off and I promise not to do a u-turn there anymore. I get a case of verbal diarrhea and confessed that I do a u-turn there every day. WOW! What? Am I stupid or something? Apparently so. He looks at me, then turns to leave and comes back and hands me his card, wishes me a good night and walks away.

I, of course, do the speed limit the WHOLE way home. All eight blocks! Totally learned my lesson- don't get caught u-turning! Today, I was successful in u-turning without repercussions.