Saturday, May 29, 2010

a running litany

get it? a running litany. i came up with that brilliant play on words this morning during my jog. i was talking to katie about running and she said she always has the best runs when she has lots on her mind. sometimes that happens with me, but i usually spend thirty seconds on a problem, mentally rock, paper, scissors for the solution and get on with my life. today i decided i would do some thinking on my run. so here's where the running litany comes in... lucky ducks, you get a peak into what goes on in this pretty little head of mine. [WARNING: this may not be suitable for all readers, please turn back now if you are any of the following: judgemental, squeamish, not in a pro-shelly mood or if you don't wanna hear any fart jokes.]

after twenty jumping jacks in my lobby (i have decided they are an acceptable pre run warm-up)i throw on the ipod stop watch, choose genre "Unknown" on my ipod (for the first time ever) and head out. Within the first two blocks i have come up with a brilliant idea of where to put my key (which is attached to a hair elastic that i normally put around my wrist/arm- but it cuts off my circulation). my hair! i will tie it around my ponytail, the only problem with this is that i can't see the key which gave me fits about thirteen times during my run. but the circulation in my left arm has never been better! totally worth it. running south up 200th i see a banana peel and carefully dodge it. i used to think that the banana peel gag in cartoons was some kind of myth, that was until i accidentally stepped on one in the hallway at school and ALMOST died. slippery indeed. i have no problem with littering organic matter, i am the first to throw an apple core out a car window (it's practically a sport), however, i would never EVER throw a banana peel where someone may step and slip on it. i think that's a true testament to my character. anyhow, if you can believe it, i see THREE more banana peels littering the sidewalk in the next five blocks. who the f is doing this i ponder? At this point i am around 44th ave, so have only gone a few kms and haven't decided the extent of my run yet. i get a bit of a second wind after hill number 1 and 2 (the only up-hill sections i have to face on my long runs) so i decide i will push it and plan to do a long run. I spend the next three kms mulling over boys and end up getting a side stitch so give that up in a hurry. at 28th ave i discover there is a diner called Race Trac, it smells like bacon. i almost die. mental note to drag someone there with me in near future. right after the diner is a pub called something silly but it looks totally adorable, second mental note to drag someone there, perhaps for a post-diner drink. or perhaps not. anyhow the pub reminded me that tonight is fight night and i pondered what we should do. to the casino with lisa and her gang or to southpoint with bobby,etc. and then some country song came on that mentioned whiskey and i got a hankering for a whiskey sour, which i quickly turned into an amaretto sour, because whiskey makes me mean slash cry my eyes out. and then i remembered the fight me and lisa got into last week which resulted in tears and a reminder that she still has my pink frisbee. then i look up and see i am coming up to 18th ave. i do some rough calculations and figure this would make it around a 16 k run, so i jubilantly cross the street. two ladies are just walking by and i yell "woo i'm on the way home!" they laughed and i picked up the pace ... for about a minute and then i realised my stomach was starting to churn. uh oh i think. gurgle gurgle my stomach says. i slow the pace and ponder the story i heard about a woman who won a marathon with shit running down her leg because she lost control of her bowels. note to self: never be that woman... i'm concernicus (dane cook joke reference) at this point, but then it 'passes'. lol, pun. and i'm fine and running again. then Fancy by Reba McEntire began playing (which is one of lisa's favorite songs) and i NTS'd i should tell her she shoudl name her first girl FAncy. "i might have been born plain white trash, but Fancy was my name". the white trash line reminded me of last night when mom and i went out to abbotsford to see cousin Nicole off to her prom. she looked really super pretty. hair, makeup and dress were all really good. only downer was she was wearing flats (not that you could see them, but come on). anyhow, one of her little friends yells 'hey nicky, what's that on your back?" so i turn her around and move her hair and there's a fucking tattoo. :O is the face i make. Carol and Uncle Stu, "WHAT?"., uhm. screaming and arguing ensue between stu and nicky and then carol and i break it up and tell them it's not the time or place. Then i bring up the fact that uncle stuart has a billion tattoos and he's being rather ridiculous about it. Plus hers is in good taste in a spot that isn't visible and it's a fuckin religious tattoo. God save us all or something. ... no, praise the lord? ugh, i forget. anyhow, it was pleasant saying in a nice little handwritten script.. then i recall the convo at dinner about how nicole was SO lucky he found out then where he couldn't really get mad at her, which reminded me of mom how SHE found out about Lisa's tattoo. for those of you who don't know, carol discovered the tattoo while lisa was laying in a mexican hospital with a broken back after her atv'ing accident. what can you possibly say at a time like that? here i am back at 40th ave and am feeling some stiffness in my knees. i work on my form a bit. straighten the back, drop the shoulders and correct my arms so they are pumping parallel to my body. I get a face full of wet leaves and curse the homeowners slash City who don't keep their trees trimmed. I shouldn't have to worry about losing an eye from a branch that is rudely protruding onto public property. britney spears makes an appearance on my playlist. i'm pumped. and then i recall the buntzen lake run/hike we are planning on doing tomorrow with wendy and co. i shudder and think up a million excuses to get out of it. then i convince myself i should do it and then i mentally RPS for it. we tied best out of three. lol yeah u can tie at best out of three when you play against yourself. i will decide on the hike later. Running towards me i see blond lady in blue jacket (as i like to call her). i see this lady running every morning on my way to work and am kind of in her fan club. I quickly put on my Not Tired At All Face and correct my form again and smile and say good morning. she is shorter than i thought she was. Down hill number 1 i go, this is hte steeper one that goes alongside the bmx park. i have a secret longing to rip up that bmx park, but my fear of broken limbs has and will continue to hold me back. down hill n umber two i go and the home stretch is upon me. i ignorantly run across the street without using a crosswalk and head east down michaud crescent. i always pick the pace up on this street in case i see any of my neighbours. i don't want to appear sluggish. nothing worse than a sluggish appearance. lol ew. so many slugs on my run too. i always envision stepping on them for fun just to see them squirt, but then i feel bad. side note, i ran over an ALREADY DEAD squirrel the other morning and almost vomited. i make it to the condo and after a brief panic attack remember the key is in my hair so i whip it out, let myself in and stop the timer- 1 hour thirty minutes. i strip off the soggy gear and grab a football jersey which is my newly preferred lounging gear and have a delicious chocolate protein shake. aka my favorite part of my running routine. i go online to map my run and see it was a tidy little 15.6 kilometers. proud? yeah kinda. lml.

kisses.

View my Soggy Saturday Run

Friday, May 28, 2010

Cookin' with Jack

scouring the internet this afternoon at work for entertainment and unfortunately couldn't find anythign interesting on forkliftaction.com so i clicked on over to cracked.com becuase they never let me down....

The Jack Daniels website includes a curious section that features recipes, in an apparent attempt to kill people by including their oak-soaked gasoline in every facet of every meal. However, to the great dismay of boozehounds and aspiring Topic page writers everywhere, many of the recipes featured don't actually include Jack Daniels as an ingredient. If nothing else, we here at Cracked take pride in our ability to correct other people, so we will adjust one of the recipes off the Jack Daniels site to include the Old No. 7. To save time, we will type the recipe up in real time as we prepare it.

APPLE CRISP COFFEE CAKE (CRACKED REVISION)

Drink a shot of Jack. Chop one cup of pecans. Core, peel, and dice 2 Granny Smith or Golden Delicious apples. Soak in 1/4 cup of Jack to prevent browning.
Drink a shot of Jack. Preheat oven. In a 9 inch baking pan, combine pecans with 3/4 cup flower, 3/4 cup colored sugar, butter, one stick of cimanon, and 1-4 tablespoons of salt. Combine with fork.
Drink Jack shot. preheat oven, cake is 2 cups, sugar, liqid butter 1 cup, 1 thing sour cream, 3 eggs beaten whole, vanilla, and apples jack
Jack shott mix and pour caje in pan. jack sho.t cook pan in box for owww use mits and cook pan in box. top with jack drink jack
bake as yo contemplste yourr life .Jack. crry/./ sleepon sopfa unrtil donn e
Wake up several hours later to the sound of the smoke alarm. Put out fire in oven with fire extinguisher. Locate aspirin.


Needs more whiskey...



Read more: Jack Daniels | Cracked.com http://www.cracked.com/funny-3077-jack-daniels/#ixzz0pGQzd1Er

Tuesday, May 25, 2010

lessons learned

Listy McListerson would like to present another (you guessed it...) list! this is one i've been compiling in my pea brain for the last six months or so. Since i can't think of anything catchy because my head is full of fluff I will be calling it "things i've learned thus far in 2010". it's kind of strange becuase i recall turning 21 and coming to the conclusion that i basically knew everything i needed to know to scrape along. the kicker was The Move Out. Let's list, shall we?
1. mommy knows best (Except when she doesn't). I have a complex where my mom will tell me how to do something and for whatever reason i assume i have a better way to do it. this is rarely accurate. we have this joke in my house about carol never being wrong. i can think of about three exceptions to that rule, from my entire life. we won't delve into them, i think that would be extremely unkind. re-cap of point one: need help or advice? ask mom. (if she can't help she will find someone who can) xo mommykins.
2. projects are harder than they look...everytime, without exception. whatever my project time estimate is, i've learned to add at least three days minimum. Eg., re-finishing dresser..hmm i'd guess it at about 6 hours (shelly calculation: 3days 6 hours and fifty callouses).
3. the fridge doesn't fill itself. the laundry doesn't wash OR dry itself. the dishwasher won't empty itself. the floors won't magically be clean just becuase you hate vacuuming. (ONE OTHER THING I LEARNED THIS WEEKEND WAS THAT VACUUM HAS TWO U's, growing up with auto spell check has certainly made me a doofus)
4.staying home sick is not even worth it if there's nobody home to take care of and fuss over you.
5. that living without the following things on hand is downright idiotic: a plunger, a flat, star, square and cross screwdriver, pliers, a wrench, flashlight, duct tape, matches, chocolate and bandaids.
6. house insurance is a must. disasters in my life are inevitable.
7. the more wine on hand, the better.
8. Not having cable makes my condo, in general, an undesireable place to hang out.
9. that i love spending time with me the most.
let's move on to un-condo related things. i didn't really mean to sort it into condo and non condo things, but i got carried away and i'm too exhausted to edit.
10. really good socks are a really special thing. they even come labelled left foot and right foot. if you haven't been there done that, please do so.
11. that my friends are all really strong, amazing people who make my life a shinier place.
12. golf is trickier than it looks.
13. me&ed's pizza trumps all.
14. that, no matter how old you are, when you fall- the first instinct is to burst into tears and call your mommy. #14 part 2, that scabs, no matter how old you are, are fun to pick.
15. vegegreen and phytoberry is slowly making me into a superhero. or maybe just super human. i don't know if i aspire to hero, sounds like a lot of work.

i am late for a very important date... [name that quote]

oh one other thing i learned: that seeing a movie by yourself isn't as humiliating as it seems. buttery popcorn basically cures all.

Friday, May 21, 2010

Lookbook.

Because facebook just doesn’t turn my crank the way it used to, I have been forced to turn to other alternatives to keep myself amused. Don’t worry, I’m not leaving facebook land, just subsidizing it with Lookbook (at the wise guidance of nikita). At first I scoffed (sadly, as I do with anything newly brought to my attention) at the idea of this type of website. I will explain it as it was explained to me: a website where people post pictures of themselves in fashionable outfits and they can detail where each piece of their outfit is from. There was also mention of how the girls were all ridiculously skinny and hot. Seems silly right? Next thing I know I’ve signed up and logged in, only to find that I have come across the WRONG lookbook! I had assumed the website would be found at www.lookbook.com. wrong-o matey. The real mccoy (whatever the hell that means) is at www.lookbook.nu. After four bleary eyed hours and a trillion or so outfits, I send nikita a message proclaiming my love and devotion to this new and wondrous addition web arsenal. Basically, this website addresses my entertainment AND educational needs in one fell swoop. Education, you say? Why yes dear one, there is much to learn from the fashionably inclined! The origin of an outfit (h&M, thrifted, grandma’s closet, Topshop) is, I think, the key to this website. How many times do you see someone wearing something and want to know where they got it? Trends and outfit composition is the other shining star of this website. Not to mention the artistic and amazing photos that get submitted. Love love love. I am itching to do a lookbookesque photoshoot. Random location. Sullen expression. Great outfit. Don’t worry I will forget all about it in a moment or two.

Xo.shelly.

Tuesday, May 18, 2010

we were all heros

imagine if i was to train to a half marathon? you'd probably never hear the end of it. brace yourself people.twenty one kilometres. no big deal right? stroll around the park basically. i'm not even shaking in my boots. am hardly physically sick over the thought alone.

i was told this would happen (my vietnamese running coach) post 10k race i would want to do a half. i scoffed. i'm still scoffing. yet i'm still training. 12 last weekend, 14 this saturday and on from there. two midweek runs of 30-40 minutes, one of them being a hill run or interval training. i am very excited about hill training. my calves are already screaming in delight.

ps. i got told a fantastic secret today. i can't share. i love being someone who gets secrets told to them. please feel free to divulge YOUR secrets. I'll put em in the vault, i plomise.

we should probably mention the loaf of banana bread i made this weekend. it weighed in at around 2.5lbs. i had one slice with butter. it's rahter delicious. the walnuts really take it from decent to fantastic. crunch trumps. i would share but i've already planned where all the pieces are going. shout out to allrecipes.com (i've got it saved if you want it)

i ALMOST cracked a paintcan to repaint my bathroom tonight. and then i overruled myself and was going to touch up my fireplace which (as many of you annoyings have pointed out) is rather marked up. but then i thought of the smell and the mess and left it alone. besides, i'm thinking wallpaper in the bathroom might be delightful. why the hell not? i'm sure it's as easy as it looks :|

may long weekend is nearly upon us and i have nary a plan. yes nary. google it. i sure hope somebody is secretly making plans on my behalf. the offer to go to ktown with the lisa is on the table, but weathernetwork forecasts shithole weather. a four hour drive to a rainy ktown is debatably not awesome.

shedaisy says: lucky for you tonight i'm just me.

Friday, May 7, 2010

The Favorite Granddaughter Club (TFGC)

Just thought i'd share a little email i received today from bruce and nancy. It definitely made me smile and brightened my afternoon...

Hi,

Hope you have fun on Sunday,just take it easy and dont try and win the race in the first block
Let somebody else break the wind for you then wham go past
Anyway have fun and good luck

Grams and Gramps

Saturday, May 1, 2010

mother May i?

so i pounded out my first 10 kms of the week this morning. mildly embarassing. i asked some guy standing on my street what time it was becuase my ipod has been hijacked by some loser. cough sean. cough fag. anyhow, it was 820 and i got home and checked the clock at 913. eek. i have to say i was ecstatic that i managed to stay in a fully upright position the entire time. for any concerned parties i will have you know my shoulder has been de-scabbed (yeah i picked i totally picked it off. don't even pretend your not jealous) and my knee is coming along well.

guess i'll do a re-cap of the last little bit. last sunday me and the gang: nik,greg and seano went golfing at poppy in aldergrove. it was good times. i think i shot a 75 or so. (the or so equaling about 150 or so). then we hit mandas and drank martinis and watched the game and had steak. no offence, worst steak ever. be got them from xtra foods. the selection was disgraceful.

on thursday alanna, nik and i went to see the ken ches movie in 3d. yes 3 d. it was basically a time warp back to last summer's concert in seattle. we brought in some sneaky beers and ate popcorn and rocked out to KC. he's such a star. hit up sam's after for a couple drinks and nearly was convinced to go to gabbys.

tuesday we decorated our derby hats. they are way past adorable and basically useless now since the derby party was cancelled due to the hockey game. how rude. my confession: been wearing it around the house sporadically.

i depleted my baking supplies by producing 3 dozen zucchini choco chip muffins and 3 dozen more coffee cake muffins. why the multitude of muffins you ask? well the first batch stuck to the liners. F BOMB. normally NBD, but these muffins were being donated to a church function that i somehow convinced myself was a worthwhile thing to do. if god was on my team he would have reminded me to grease the fing muffin liners. NTS: no more charity baking. the second batch is a recipe i acquired from DAn the accountant at work, they are basically cake. they turned out decently. i sprayed and floured the tins. i have about 40 muffins sitting in my fridge adn freezer. im going to back chew every last one of them. yes back chew.

wednesday i went to my uncle ron and aunty joyces who live a block from me. they made me dinner and then i had a nap on their couch and went home.

last week my washing machine flooded my condo. no damage up here. the two floors below me experienced some rather negative side effects. its funny how now that im trying to avoid my neighbours i see them EVERYDAY. NTS: switch up routine slash use back door to enter condo.

my grandma fractured her ankle. she was being pretty stoic when i talked to her though. such a trooper that Nancy.

ps. calling anyone a Nancy is not appropriate in our circle anymore. nancy is a saint. think of a new derogatory term please. thanks- Management.

headed by the Forklift Rodeo this afternoon. IVES is judging the event i believe. There are free hot dogs. this is the real reason i am going.

tomorrow night is brooks and dunn. yeah it is. my excitement is about a 9. i don't knwo what to wear. Row 17. NBD. i may bring my beach ball to throw around and see if we can bring the concert a KenChes vibe. yes im goign through KC withdrawls.

ps my new mint plant is flourishing. i am going to make lemonanas. REady for it? lemon or lime juice. mint, vodka, ice. blend. this recipe was stolen from Goa where this drink made it's first appearance. oh i think theres some kind of cane sugar. i forget. will ask nikita.

anyhow. that is all for now.

PS. sun run is on sunday. wish me luck. sean and i are going to use my new suspenders to connect ourselves so we don't get lost. basically i am going to let his momentum carry me through the race. imagine if i fell and he just dragged me behind him. lol. pps. only two more weeks until my four week wine is ready BTW!