it's bacon, it's mayo!

I love fridge creeping. One of the first things I do when I am in someones kitchen is open their fridge and check out what they've got. Sometimes it's a hunger thing, most often it's a curiosity thing. You can really tell a lot about someone by the state of their fridge. I have no idea what my fridge says about me other than I like sauce and Diet Coke.

Recently in my snooping, I hit the Fridge Find of the Year...Baconnaise! It's bacon flavored mayo. It sounds disgusting, right? More like disgustingly delicious! This blog might be a bit premature as I haven't actually tasted it yet. I don't even own it! I am, however, obsessed with it. I don't really eat that much bacon but only because I find once I start eating bacon it becomes an addictive habit that I am unable to break, so I just stay away from it. Since The Discovery of Bacconaise, everything I eat I can imagine putting bacon mayo on it and how much better it would taste. Creamy and salty and meaty and artery clogging- what's not to love?!

Of course iIdecided to do some research on this salty spread and was elated with my google results. Shall I share? I think I shall.

Into google I type "bacon mayo", first result: www.baconnaise.com/. I spent the next hour and a half (that's 90 minutes) perusing this site and then bookmarked it for future viewing. Here's the scoop: a couple of guys realized they needed more bacon flavor in their life so they mixed together bacon fat with salt and came up with Bacon Salt. It is zero calorie, no fat, vegetarian, kosher and low sodium seasoning! Obviously it took the world by storm and from there they expanded their line to include other bacony items like baconnaise, baconPop(corn) and recently they came out with Ketchup Salt. On their Retail page they have an item listed called BaconAir, bacon flavored oxygen inhaler. I think I read somewhere that it was an April fools joke, but I couldn't resist entering for a Lifetime Supply of BaconAir, so I sent them an email with why I should be the winner. It reads:

I should probably be the winner of a lifetime supply of BaconAir because I want to stay skinny but I love bacon. I think that this contest might be a joke, but hey I couldn’t pass up the opportunity of even a chance that I could win a life time supply of deliciousness. I think I would use it as an inhaler when I’m driving out of the city where it smells like manure. Life would be so sweet (or, more appropriately, salty)! Please pick me. I will share with all my friends and family.

*please note that the last line in that email was strictly added to make me seem like a good person, worthy of winning the contest. There is no way in hell I would share my loot if I did win.

I didn't stop there with my research, ohhhh no! I hit the Royal Bacon Society website then baconfreak.com where iIfound a blog that reports "People in Canada Choose Bacon Over Sex", Maple Leaf Food reports 43% of survey respondents said they would rather have bacon than sex... I bet those numbers would jump drastically if they were asked about bacon mayo! My hypothesis is that 90% of respondents would cut off their left arm and give up sex all together for a plate of bacon and a jar of baconnaise. Just a hunch.

I will leave you with some quotes courtesy of http://www.baconnaise.com/:

"Peanut butter and chocolate. Franks and beans. Cookies and milk. Bacon and anything. "

"I would eat that with a spoon!"

"Baconnaise could be the best condiment ever invented! Sorry, ketchup."

"I don't dine on swine, but wow, that's really good."

That is all. Get gone already. Make yourself useful and find me some bacon salt or something.

thirty two years

32 years... That's Me +7 years which translates to a super duper lonnnng time. This is how long my parents have been married for as of the August long weekend. We never really celebrate their wedding anniversaries as a family because my sisters and I are jerksI think. It's not really ours to celebrate anyways, it's theirs, which is another way of saying I'm totally not buying them an anniversary present!

I was going to do some research on marriage statistics and so forth but it was terribly disheartening so I gave up and decided to not put anything useful at all in this blog. HOWEVER - DON'T LEAVE YET! I did poll my parents (on bbm) on what there favorite thing about the other was and here's what they had to say:

Me: Hey Dad- what's your favorite thing about Mom?!
Me.: PING!!!
Dad: She Unconditionally Loves Me. I think. Why:)?
Me: Just wondering!

Me.: Hey what's your favorite thing about Dad?
Mom: He's funny and never says anything bad about anybody
Mom: Why
Me: Just wonderin:)

So there you have it. My mom loves my dad because he's funny and my dad loves my mom because she loves him. Happy anniversary mom and dad, I hope you have many many more to come (odds are bad though if dad keeps drinking liters of pickle juice straight out of the jar).

houseboating 2012, if i had it my way

I was going to recap the house boating trip but as there are already a thousand pictures on facebook that tell a better and more complete story (as there are large holes in my memory bank from this weekend) I decided that I will look to the future instead.

Title: House Boating 2012
Subtitle: IF I had it My Way

Thursday morning we meet in Langley and there is a private jet waiting to take us (and the wake setter of course) to Sicamous. The flight over is short, only long enough to listen to whatever song LMAFO has out this summer and to do a round of shots. We arrive at Waterways and the aussis load all our shit onto the boat and take us immediately through the canal. We are pleased to find the rooms have all been upgraded to King Sized beds, each with their own en suite. The rooms are soundproof. Someone notices there are a couple of stow aways on the boat- no, its not Adam from Twin Anchors- the randoms turn out to be a Mute Midget Chef who moonlights as a fire dancer and a female Thai Masseuse. We decide to keep them. The no randoms rule has been eased up on this year.

An hour or so into the night John and Nick climb a tree and fall onto the midget as he's fire dancing, amazingly nobody is hurt and the partying continues well into the night. Nobody passes out early and, hence, nobody gets Tbagged. Greg cooks up fifty boxes of KD and gourmets it up with extra cheesy baked deliciousness. We all back chew it- all of the flavor, none of the calories.

We awake to MidgetMan cooking a gourmet breakfast of bacon, eggs, waffles and coffee. No hangovers, we're all feeling great. We spend the day tanning and drinking, boating and floating. The girls win a round of flip cups and then beer pong. Mini chef cooks up a feast for dinner, we don our theme costumes and the party's on. The hot tub gets foamed, the fire gets lit and all surrounding boats flock to our beach to partake in an insane round of Ultimate Strip Limbo. A bear comes out of the woods to join the party- he let's us dress him in tight and bright and eventually ends up passed out in the hot tub.

I don't want to spoil the whole trip, so I'll leave the third night as a total surprise. Let me assure you that the Thai Masseuse sees to it that House boating 2012 and everyone there has a Happy Ending.