Cookin' with Jack

scouring the internet this afternoon at work for entertainment and unfortunately couldn't find anythign interesting on forkliftaction.com so i clicked on over to cracked.com becuase they never let me down....

The Jack Daniels website includes a curious section that features recipes, in an apparent attempt to kill people by including their oak-soaked gasoline in every facet of every meal. However, to the great dismay of boozehounds and aspiring Topic page writers everywhere, many of the recipes featured don't actually include Jack Daniels as an ingredient. If nothing else, we here at Cracked take pride in our ability to correct other people, so we will adjust one of the recipes off the Jack Daniels site to include the Old No. 7. To save time, we will type the recipe up in real time as we prepare it.

APPLE CRISP COFFEE CAKE (CRACKED REVISION)

Drink a shot of Jack. Chop one cup of pecans. Core, peel, and dice 2 Granny Smith or Golden Delicious apples. Soak in 1/4 cup of Jack to prevent browning.
Drink a shot of Jack. Preheat oven. In a 9 inch baking pan, combine pecans with 3/4 cup flower, 3/4 cup colored sugar, butter, one stick of cimanon, and 1-4 tablespoons of salt. Combine with fork.
Drink Jack shot. preheat oven, cake is 2 cups, sugar, liqid butter 1 cup, 1 thing sour cream, 3 eggs beaten whole, vanilla, and apples jack
Jack shott mix and pour caje in pan. jack sho.t cook pan in box for owww use mits and cook pan in box. top with jack drink jack
bake as yo contemplste yourr life .Jack. crry/./ sleepon sopfa unrtil donn e
Wake up several hours later to the sound of the smoke alarm. Put out fire in oven with fire extinguisher. Locate aspirin.


Needs more whiskey...



Read more: Jack Daniels | Cracked.com http://www.cracked.com/funny-3077-jack-daniels/#ixzz0pGQzd1Er

lessons learned

Listy McListerson would like to present another (you guessed it...) list! this is one i've been compiling in my pea brain for the last six months or so. Since i can't think of anything catchy because my head is full of fluff I will be calling it "things i've learned thus far in 2010". it's kind of strange becuase i recall turning 21 and coming to the conclusion that i basically knew everything i needed to know to scrape along. the kicker was The Move Out. Let's list, shall we?
1. mommy knows best (Except when she doesn't). I have a complex where my mom will tell me how to do something and for whatever reason i assume i have a better way to do it. this is rarely accurate. we have this joke in my house about carol never being wrong. i can think of about three exceptions to that rule, from my entire life. we won't delve into them, i think that would be extremely unkind. re-cap of point one: need help or advice? ask mom. (if she can't help she will find someone who can) xo mommykins.
2. projects are harder than they look...everytime, without exception. whatever my project time estimate is, i've learned to add at least three days minimum. Eg., re-finishing dresser..hmm i'd guess it at about 6 hours (shelly calculation: 3days 6 hours and fifty callouses).
3. the fridge doesn't fill itself. the laundry doesn't wash OR dry itself. the dishwasher won't empty itself. the floors won't magically be clean just becuase you hate vacuuming. (ONE OTHER THING I LEARNED THIS WEEKEND WAS THAT VACUUM HAS TWO U's, growing up with auto spell check has certainly made me a doofus)
4.staying home sick is not even worth it if there's nobody home to take care of and fuss over you.
5. that living without the following things on hand is downright idiotic: a plunger, a flat, star, square and cross screwdriver, pliers, a wrench, flashlight, duct tape, matches, chocolate and bandaids.
6. house insurance is a must. disasters in my life are inevitable.
7. the more wine on hand, the better.
8. Not having cable makes my condo, in general, an undesireable place to hang out.
9. that i love spending time with me the most.
let's move on to un-condo related things. i didn't really mean to sort it into condo and non condo things, but i got carried away and i'm too exhausted to edit.
10. really good socks are a really special thing. they even come labelled left foot and right foot. if you haven't been there done that, please do so.
11. that my friends are all really strong, amazing people who make my life a shinier place.
12. golf is trickier than it looks.
13. me&ed's pizza trumps all.
14. that, no matter how old you are, when you fall- the first instinct is to burst into tears and call your mommy. #14 part 2, that scabs, no matter how old you are, are fun to pick.
15. vegegreen and phytoberry is slowly making me into a superhero. or maybe just super human. i don't know if i aspire to hero, sounds like a lot of work.

i am late for a very important date... [name that quote]

oh one other thing i learned: that seeing a movie by yourself isn't as humiliating as it seems. buttery popcorn basically cures all.

Lookbook.

Because facebook just doesn’t turn my crank the way it used to, I have been forced to turn to other alternatives to keep myself amused. Don’t worry, I’m not leaving facebook land, just subsidizing it with Lookbook (at the wise guidance of nikita). At first I scoffed (sadly, as I do with anything newly brought to my attention) at the idea of this type of website. I will explain it as it was explained to me: a website where people post pictures of themselves in fashionable outfits and they can detail where each piece of their outfit is from. There was also mention of how the girls were all ridiculously skinny and hot. Seems silly right? Next thing I know I’ve signed up and logged in, only to find that I have come across the WRONG lookbook! I had assumed the website would be found at www.lookbook.com. wrong-o matey. The real mccoy (whatever the hell that means) is at www.lookbook.nu. After four bleary eyed hours and a trillion or so outfits, I send nikita a message proclaiming my love and devotion to this new and wondrous addition web arsenal. Basically, this website addresses my entertainment AND educational needs in one fell swoop. Education, you say? Why yes dear one, there is much to learn from the fashionably inclined! The origin of an outfit (h&M, thrifted, grandma’s closet, Topshop) is, I think, the key to this website. How many times do you see someone wearing something and want to know where they got it? Trends and outfit composition is the other shining star of this website. Not to mention the artistic and amazing photos that get submitted. Love love love. I am itching to do a lookbookesque photoshoot. Random location. Sullen expression. Great outfit. Don’t worry I will forget all about it in a moment or two.

Xo.shelly.

we were all heros

imagine if i was to train to a half marathon? you'd probably never hear the end of it. brace yourself people.twenty one kilometres. no big deal right? stroll around the park basically. i'm not even shaking in my boots. am hardly physically sick over the thought alone.

i was told this would happen (my vietnamese running coach) post 10k race i would want to do a half. i scoffed. i'm still scoffing. yet i'm still training. 12 last weekend, 14 this saturday and on from there. two midweek runs of 30-40 minutes, one of them being a hill run or interval training. i am very excited about hill training. my calves are already screaming in delight.

ps. i got told a fantastic secret today. i can't share. i love being someone who gets secrets told to them. please feel free to divulge YOUR secrets. I'll put em in the vault, i plomise.

we should probably mention the loaf of banana bread i made this weekend. it weighed in at around 2.5lbs. i had one slice with butter. it's rahter delicious. the walnuts really take it from decent to fantastic. crunch trumps. i would share but i've already planned where all the pieces are going. shout out to allrecipes.com (i've got it saved if you want it)

i ALMOST cracked a paintcan to repaint my bathroom tonight. and then i overruled myself and was going to touch up my fireplace which (as many of you annoyings have pointed out) is rather marked up. but then i thought of the smell and the mess and left it alone. besides, i'm thinking wallpaper in the bathroom might be delightful. why the hell not? i'm sure it's as easy as it looks :|

may long weekend is nearly upon us and i have nary a plan. yes nary. google it. i sure hope somebody is secretly making plans on my behalf. the offer to go to ktown with the lisa is on the table, but weathernetwork forecasts shithole weather. a four hour drive to a rainy ktown is debatably not awesome.

shedaisy says: lucky for you tonight i'm just me.

The Favorite Granddaughter Club (TFGC)

Just thought i'd share a little email i received today from bruce and nancy. It definitely made me smile and brightened my afternoon...

Hi,

Hope you have fun on Sunday,just take it easy and dont try and win the race in the first block
Let somebody else break the wind for you then wham go past
Anyway have fun and good luck

Grams and Gramps

mother May i?

so i pounded out my first 10 kms of the week this morning. mildly embarassing. i asked some guy standing on my street what time it was becuase my ipod has been hijacked by some loser. cough sean. cough fag. anyhow, it was 820 and i got home and checked the clock at 913. eek. i have to say i was ecstatic that i managed to stay in a fully upright position the entire time. for any concerned parties i will have you know my shoulder has been de-scabbed (yeah i picked i totally picked it off. don't even pretend your not jealous) and my knee is coming along well.

guess i'll do a re-cap of the last little bit. last sunday me and the gang: nik,greg and seano went golfing at poppy in aldergrove. it was good times. i think i shot a 75 or so. (the or so equaling about 150 or so). then we hit mandas and drank martinis and watched the game and had steak. no offence, worst steak ever. be got them from xtra foods. the selection was disgraceful.

on thursday alanna, nik and i went to see the ken ches movie in 3d. yes 3 d. it was basically a time warp back to last summer's concert in seattle. we brought in some sneaky beers and ate popcorn and rocked out to KC. he's such a star. hit up sam's after for a couple drinks and nearly was convinced to go to gabbys.

tuesday we decorated our derby hats. they are way past adorable and basically useless now since the derby party was cancelled due to the hockey game. how rude. my confession: been wearing it around the house sporadically.

i depleted my baking supplies by producing 3 dozen zucchini choco chip muffins and 3 dozen more coffee cake muffins. why the multitude of muffins you ask? well the first batch stuck to the liners. F BOMB. normally NBD, but these muffins were being donated to a church function that i somehow convinced myself was a worthwhile thing to do. if god was on my team he would have reminded me to grease the fing muffin liners. NTS: no more charity baking. the second batch is a recipe i acquired from DAn the accountant at work, they are basically cake. they turned out decently. i sprayed and floured the tins. i have about 40 muffins sitting in my fridge adn freezer. im going to back chew every last one of them. yes back chew.

wednesday i went to my uncle ron and aunty joyces who live a block from me. they made me dinner and then i had a nap on their couch and went home.

last week my washing machine flooded my condo. no damage up here. the two floors below me experienced some rather negative side effects. its funny how now that im trying to avoid my neighbours i see them EVERYDAY. NTS: switch up routine slash use back door to enter condo.

my grandma fractured her ankle. she was being pretty stoic when i talked to her though. such a trooper that Nancy.

ps. calling anyone a Nancy is not appropriate in our circle anymore. nancy is a saint. think of a new derogatory term please. thanks- Management.

headed by the Forklift Rodeo this afternoon. IVES is judging the event i believe. There are free hot dogs. this is the real reason i am going.

tomorrow night is brooks and dunn. yeah it is. my excitement is about a 9. i don't knwo what to wear. Row 17. NBD. i may bring my beach ball to throw around and see if we can bring the concert a KenChes vibe. yes im goign through KC withdrawls.

ps my new mint plant is flourishing. i am going to make lemonanas. REady for it? lemon or lime juice. mint, vodka, ice. blend. this recipe was stolen from Goa where this drink made it's first appearance. oh i think theres some kind of cane sugar. i forget. will ask nikita.

anyhow. that is all for now.

PS. sun run is on sunday. wish me luck. sean and i are going to use my new suspenders to connect ourselves so we don't get lost. basically i am going to let his momentum carry me through the race. imagine if i fell and he just dragged me behind him. lol. pps. only two more weeks until my four week wine is ready BTW!

Wasted guy at Coachella 2010 - FRIDAY

shoes are tricky.

the dung run.

A picture says at least a hundred or so words (click on the picture to read the [self-proclaimed] hilarity)... but i will ramble on about the run anyways. We decided to do the 11km run at the campbell valley park. The trail is a pedestrian SLASH equestrian trail. Within the first 2 minutes i was ready to quit. The path consisted of rocky gravel and horse shit every three feet, not to mention the fact the run began on an uphill start (boo). anyhow after getting used to the tripping and jumping over poop and mud puddles it was okay. sean dragged me along as per usual at a decent pace. We decided that Wendy's was defintiely on the menu for dinner...after 45 minutes or so the path ended at the road. WTF we exclaim? The road replied: MUAHAHHA. Sean figures out where we are and directs us west down 216th street. We pass some of the most beautiful houses (and lawns) and Domain de chamberton winerfy (note to self to get butt down there for dinner and wine tasting). anyhow after running for another half an hour along the side of the road (you'd never believe how happy we were to run on pavement again), we make it back to the parking lot where i got to drink my strawberry soy milk. more delicious sounding than tasting, thats for sure. overall, pretty great run and no we didn't go to wendys. the guilt factor was too intense. -over and out.

how to be rich before you're thirty.

also known as: how not to be a poor ass loser in middle age.

i borrowed this clever little book from a friend who, after confirming i was well under thirty, leant it to me. he's more of a book on tape guy anyhow. i'm not sure if he has given up on the whole rich thing or if he is already well on his way and needs the book no longer. either way, i am always grateful to those who share their books with me. i have a book buying phobia. i get paralysis in libraries and book stores. too many choices.

you may not know this, but i am terrible at budgeting. shut up lisa, i know i'm cheap, but that doesn't mean i can budgert worth a damn. i spend carelessly in many areas and am frugal in others. i will hunt for the best deal on toilet paper and then spend 100dollars on dinner and drinks.

nikita [my super underpaid, but very appreciated financial advisor] and i worked up a budget/payment plan last year when i bought my car. i had nightmares for a week at least about not being able to meet my payments. and now i somehow own a condo. it's puketastic.

anyhow i will share here what i have learned in the book so far...

1. get a bank account and stop hiding money under the mattress.
2. be frugal [verbatim- this book loves the word frugal, more than i love the word verbatim)
3. you have to pay yourself becuase nobody else will. this is alluding to setting aside money from every paycheque into your savings or investments.
4. the book hints that i should get a roommate. unfortunately they give no pointers on the roommate hunt or how the hell i'm supposed to go about living my life with a stranger lurking in my second bedroom.
5. that being a millionaire by the time i'm thirty won't be good enough because inflation will cause my hard earned money to be meagre in the distant future. [wow bitter]
6. that no matter how rich or poor you are cookies solve everything. see here for the whole wheat oatmeal chocolate and peanut butter chip cookies recipe i just made. long title, great cookie. http://recipes.sparkpeople.com/recipe-detail.asp?recipe=258352

i am only half done the book. i just felt i should share what i've ALREADY learned just in case anyone else needs some help with their financial future.

just never know what you're going to get here at TheBlog.

Sir Squash III

so i bet you never knew that i was an ambassador of squash! check it. the last few weeks have been a squashtastic experience. It all started at the iggulden's... insert cameo flashback: nikita and alanna preparing acorn squash using butter and maple syrup. as i have a mad obsession with syrup and am always looking for new things to drench in it- i was instantly hooked.

following this and some advice from my work Phyllis i decided to explore the Spaghetti squash. For those of you who aren't up to speed on squashcabulary, this is a yellow skinned variety that, after it's been roasted, you can pull with a fork into spaghetti like strands. I forked the shit out of it {with katie's help} mixed it with a bolognese sauce [homemade but stolen from carol's house] threw it back into the shells and topped with cheese and parsley and broiled to melty deliciousness.

Why it's amazing: -its so easy it practically makes itself. - it's so vibrant and pretty. -versatile. - crazy low cal with high nutrient content. - winter squash can store for up to a month NBD. [sidenote: winter squash is not named for the season it is grown but becuase it can be stored over the winter]

next adventure was acorn squash.. roasted with butter, syrup, cinnamon, s&p. the texture of this squash kind of offends me. I ate it and pretended to like it but overall it wasn't a winner.

tonight: kabocha squash or courge kabocha if you will. This is a traditional japenese squash which is allegedly similar to pumpkin. I picked this up at superstore with harry. I was intrigued as i've never heard of it before. Did a bit of reasarch today on it and basically it's interchangeable with butternut or pumpkin. Majority of recipes baked it or soup'd it. I've mostly abandoned making soup as i realize i have no soup skills. Cut up the kabocha into 1inch slices and tossed with soy sauce, brown sugar, cayenne, S&P. Baked for 25 min. Tossed the reserved seeds (delightful sidesnack) in butter, s&p. Results: kind of okay.,. lol, it came out a bit dry... i think more sauce is called for and i also think i would half the kabocha next time, then bake it, Then cut it into strips...

I Also have a butternut squash awaiting me. I think i am going to do something dramatic with it.. did u know u can eat squash leaves and squash flowers?

i think i was a squash in another lifetime.